Girlfriend Celebrations - Because Girlfriends Make Life Better

Five Ways to Keep Friendships Fresh

As our Month of Friendship posts continue, we’d love to remind you to plan those girls nights! We hope you’ll enjoy our contribution to this week’s celebration, below.

By Dawn Bertuca and Tina Bishop

If you’re reading this on one of the Friendship Circle blogs, then having and keeping girlfriends must be important to you. Perhaps you identified the need for new girlfriends in your life, for whatever reason, and now you’re ready to grow some new friendships. Or, you’re already blessed with good girlfriends but you’re looking for ways to renew and reinforce those female friendships. We’re here to help! In nearly five years of writing about the things girlfriends do together, we’ve learned loads about what does and doesn’t work when girlfriends get together.

On one hand, planning a successful girlfriend get-together is simple if you remember that the number-one thing that girlfriends like to do together is…you guessed it…TALK. Women crave connection. We need time to catch up on each other’s lives. We even have a physiological need to huddle together and talk, according to that now-famous UCLA study. On the other hand, it’s easy to get into a bit of a rut when it comes to girlfriend time. “Bunco” and book clubs are great excuses to get together and gab with the girls, but they sometimes turn stale. Girlfriends stop showing up, and eventually the group —and the relationships—fizzle out. So, what are the keys to making sure your girlfriend time stays fresh?

1. Understand quality time. Sandy Sheehy, author of Connecting: The Enduring Power of Women’s Friendships, says girlfriend relationships naturally strengthen if the women spend enough time together, are honest with each other, support each other equally, and each one feels she is getting something from the relationship. Does your usual girls night fit the bill? If your idea of a girls night is balancing a wine glass and a catalog in your lap while a sales representative tries to sell you candles, makeup, jewelry or kitchenware, then you might be missing the point of “quality time.” You need opportunities to truly connect with your girlfriends without the distraction of a sales pitch.

2. Make friendship a priority. If having girlfriends is important to you, make some time for it in your busy schedule. Commit to making two phone calls a week, or extending one invitation a week, or whatever you need to get the results you want. Be consistent and don’t give up. “Put it on the calendar” is our constant refrain when giving advice to women who say they don’t have enough time with their girlfriends. We’ve found that gathering monthly is about the right frequency for most girlfriend groups. Why not designate the third Thursday of the month, for example, as your “official” girlfriend time?

3. Be specific. Instead of simply suggesting to a friend that you want to get together, take the initiative and make a plan. Invite your girlfriend to a specific time and place so she has to respond. Women who are busy and stressed find it much easier to say yes to “spa party at my place, Thursday night at 7″ than “we really should get together sometime.” You can get some simple girlfriend party ideas at GirlfriendCelebrations.com, or just invite the girls to a favorite restaurant on a specific date.

4. Build in meaning. Learning more about each other is vital to strengthening your friendships. So take your girls nights beyond eating, drinking and gossiping. Experiencing something new together (like learning to bellydance, running a 5K, or volunteering at a homeless shelter) is a classic bonding technique. Or, add a brief connecting activity that helps you understand your gal pals better. It doesn’t have to be lengthy, embarrassing, or corny. We purposely include fun and easy connecting activities in nearly ALL of our girls night party plans. It takes a tiny bit of effort, but pays off in stronger friendships—and that’s definitely worth it.

5. Review the evening. After each girls night, take a few minutes to evaluate. You may want to do this on your own, or together via email. How did the girls night go? Did it meet your expectations? Did you get what you wanted out of the evening? What would have improved the experience? What could you do differently next time? Finally, don’t forget to revel in your achievement. You did it! You made your health and well-being a priority by putting your girls nights on the calendar. Happy Month of Friendship!

Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop are Girlfriends-in-Chief at GirlfriendCelebrations.

The Friendship Circle (a network of five organizations committed to celebrating the power of female friendships) is partnering in September for a Month of Friendship. Visit these Friendship Circle websites daily in September for more inspiration and information:


Ask and You Shall Receive

When it comes to making a new friend, who should make the first move? According to today’s guest blogger, Rachel Bertsche of MWF Seeking BFF, YOU should. As the Month of Friendship continues, Rachel reveals how taking a risk paid off in her search for a new BFF.

By Rachel Bertsche

Today is my turn to blog for The Month of Friendship. For those of you who are new to my search, let me give you the Twitter-ized version: After two years of waiting for a local BFF to emerge in my new hometown of Chicago, I’ve decided to go out there and find her.

On Tuesday, I was reminded of exactly why I’ve been forcing myself to ask out potential friends, despite how desperate it can sometimes feel. I was at my favorite boutique, just a block away from my apartment, looking for a dress to wear to an upcoming rehearsal dinner. Well, that and I’ve been trying to befriend the manager since I moved here.

We’ve become friendly enough in the time that I’ve been frequenting her store. The weekend I went wedding dress shopping, I showed her a picture of my potential gown for an “objective” opinion. She’s told me about planning her sister’s bridal shower. She knows what clothes work best on my body and can perhaps get me a discount on said outfits. She’d most certainly fill my fashionable BFF opening.

For a while, before I threw caution to the wind and started asking every potential BFF to dinner, I was too embarrassed to invite her to hang out. What would I say? “Hello I have no friends! Will you take pity on me?” Uh, no thanks.

But now that I’ve been at this a while, I’ve gotten more comfortable in the art of the asking. Like anything, it gets exponentially easier with practice. And the breezier you are (Remember Monica on Richard’s answering machine? “I’m breezy!” I channel this often…) the less awkward the exchange. I promise!

So I went into the store in the middle of the day on Tuesday, and Manager and I were the only people there. After trying on a few dresses, I bought an adorable little black number.

“So do you work every Tuesday?” I asked her at the register.

“Yup.”

“I was wondering… I work from home on Mondays and Tuesdays, and it can get really quiet and isolating. Would you want to get lunch sometime? It’d be nice to get out of the house for a little.”

Manager was so excited. “I’d love to! I really would.” She went on to tell me that she always meets really great people at the store, but she feels like she has to wait for to other person to make the move. “Otherwise, you could be like ‘why’s the salesgirl asking me to lunch?’ It’s unprofessional.”

This had never occurred to me. She’s all 7-feet-tall and impossibly thin and pretty. The idea that maybe she wanted to be my friend too, that maybe something was holding her back never crossed my mind.

So we exchanged numbers and we’re going to have lunch. It could maybe even become a weekly-ish affair. I have a good feeling about this one.

The small-but-significant exchange was an important reminder of why, when we meet someone with BFF potential, we should just go for it. Everyone wants pals. We’re constantly worried that people will think we’re weird for making the first overture toward friendship, but more often than not the other person is flattered. Thrilled, even.

And there could be a million reasons why she hasn’t tried befriending you. Once Manager explained it to me, it made perfect sense that she’d have professional concerns about trying to befriend a customer. But I never would have thought of it on my own.

So this month, why not resolve to finally say something to the would-be friend you’ve been eyeing in yoga class/the grocery store/the office. What’s the worst that could happen? No, seriously, what?

Written by Rachel Bertsche, MWF Seeking BFF chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love. In her engaging daily posts, Bertsche reveals anecdotes from her quest, shares resources for meeting new people, and wonders about modern-day friendship conundrums. MWF Seeking BFF the book will be published by Ballantine in early 2012. Read the rest of this entry »


Five Not-So-Simple Rules for Mending a Broken Friendship

Girlfriend breakups are “the dirty little secret no one talks about,” according to our girlfriend Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. And she should know. Not only has she written a thoughtful and comforting book on the subject of female friendships, she also expertly answers reader questions about friendship on The Friendship Blog. We are so pleased to feature her post here as we continue our Month of Friendship Series. We believe Irene is truly unique as both an expert and advisor on friendship.

by Irene S. Levine, PhD

Despite the romanticized myth of BFF, the hard truth is that most friendships don’t last forever. In fact, research suggests that when it comes to friendships, there’s a phenomenon somewhat akin to the seven-year itch; half of our friendships change over that time period.

Just like other life-affirming relationships that we treasure—relationships with lovers, husbands, siblings, children, and pets—our closest friendships are imperfect. Friendships are fraught with disappointments and misunderstandings—resulting in some of the highest highs and the lowest lows of our emotional lives.

Remember Anne of Green Gables, the lonely orphan who never had a bosom buddy until she met her neighbor, Diana? Anne instantly realized she had found a soulmate in Diana. But as Anne grew up and her world expanded, the foundation of her once perfect friendship with Diana collapsed, paving the way for the next phase in her life. Given all the transitions that that take place in the lives of women (moving, mating, mothering and managing careers, just to name a few), it’s not surprising that friendships fray. Anne’s story is universal; as people grow and change, their paths diverge. Friends drift apart and even kindred spirits may find themselves circling in different orbits.

The sense of trust, intimacy, energy and connection we feel with a best friend is absolutely exhilarating, but when that friendship begins to erode or drift away, the sense of unease, discomfort, or loss is palpable. So what can you do to mend a broken friendship? Here are some tips for getting over the inevitable bumps:

1. Communicate

There’s a wall of silence between you. She isn’t answering your text messages or voicemails, and is ignoring your Facebook comments. You haven’t seen each other for a week and you used to talk every day. What do you do? Summon up the courage to start a dialogue. If there’s any hope of mending the friendship, you need to find out what’s wrong and resolve it. Sending an email or snail mail (note or card) to your friend, telling her you miss her and want to talk, gives her a chance to respond without being caught off-guard.

2. Apologize

If you know it was you who said or did something wrong—or who didn’t do or say something you should have, own up to the mistake. Apologize sooner rather than later because time has a way of making little problems fester. Of course, if you have a recurrent case of foot-in-the-mouth syndrome, this isn’t going to work.

3. Forgive

Conversely, if you were the one who was wronged and the friendship is important to you, consciously decide to forgive your friend in order to save the friendship. Try to think about what happened from her perspective and accept her apology. If her behavior is consistently ambivalent and unpredictable, forgiveness may not be the right fix.

4. Take a break

You’ve approached your friend to sort out the problem and you’ve been ignored or rebuffed. Perhaps your friend needs more time to get over her anger and disappointment. Propose that you NOT see each other for two weeks or a month. Maybe you need time apart (what I call a friendship sabbatical) to realize how much you mean to each other. On the other hand, you both may breathe a sigh of relief during the trial separation.

5. Downgrade

Maybe your expectations of each other are a mismatch at this time. Perhaps, you need to establish boundaries: Tell her you need more space for yourself and more time with others. Maybe your relationship is based primarily on shared history and your lives have grown too disparate to remain besties. Gradually downgrade to a casual, once-in-a-while friendship. Make the change with grace and respect, leaving the door open for reconnecting in a different way at a different time.

Admittedly, fixing a broken friendship is never easy or simple because the rules of friendships aren’t clear. Compounding the problem, women are often embarrassed or ashamed to talk about friendship problems. If they speak to men, they’re likely to be accused of catfighting. If they speak to other women, opening up about another friend may be seen as a betrayal. As a result, friendship problems often remain the dirty little secret that nobody talks about—except on TheFriendshipBlog.com.

Created by psychologist, author, and professor of psychiatry Dr. Irene S. Levine, TheFriendshipBlog.com is the only authoritative place on the internet for women to anonymously ask and receive advice about their friendship problems and dilemmas. Writing as The Friendship Doctor, Dr. Levine is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and Psychology Today. Her most recent book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend is based on an online survey of more than 1500 women (anonymous, of course).

The Friendship Circle (a network of five organizations committed to celebrating the power of female friendships) is partnering in September for a Month of Friendship. Visit these Friendship Circle websites daily in September for more inspiration and information:

Read the rest of this entry »


Walking With 3,000+ Girlfriends

Crossing the Chicago River
Crossing the Chicago River
Girlfriend-in-Chief Dawn participated in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Chicago June 5 – 6 in the company of more than 3,000 “girlfriends.” Here are some of her thoughts on this amazing journey!

Completing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is a lot like childbirth: Painful but rewarding. Walking 39.3 miles in two days is, simply, hard. No matter how much you have trained, you can’t totally prepare for your feet repetitively pounding on pavement and Mother Nature dishing up some wet and windy surprises. Bones hurt, blisters pop, chafing appears in (ahem) private places, humidity induces unusual rashes. By the end of Day One, you’re not sure you really want to (or can) get up and walk on Day Two. And yet, the main takeaway from the weekend is a feeling of triumph. In fact, many find this feeling so addictive they choose to do the walk year after year (perhaps, in a phenomenon similar to that of childbirth, selective amnesia sets in).

I spent the Avon Walk weekend with eight other women brought together by our personal trainer, Tracy, a Walk veteran. Training for the walk was a classic example of our philosophy at GirlfriendCelebrations – doing something meaningful together builds friendships! Establishing a walking routine is a great girlfriend-bonding activity. During our training walks, my teammates Liz, Cathy, Robin and I had nothing to do but talk. We’re definitely closer as a result. And during the Walk weekend, I was privileged to get to know my other teammates Teresa, Bonnie, Linsday, and Sherry better as we walked and talked.

Even though our group sentiment was “never again,” after walking 26 miles (a marathon!) the first day of the event, my memory of it now is fond and framed in pink. I’m proud of our accomplishment. We did it, girls! What kept us going? The things that unite women during any bonding experience, whether it’s college rush, child rearing, or working in adjacent cubicles: Read the rest of this entry »


Make Girls Night Easier With Peapod

As busy women with hectic calendars, we are always looking for ways to make more time for play in our days. With this in mind, Peapod, the online grocery shopping and delivery service, invited the Girlfriends-In-Chief and some fellow bloggers on a warehouse tour to show us how they could make our lives easier with the click of a mouse. As busy wives and moms, we were all quick to see how Peapod could help de-stress our domestic lives.

Perky Produce
Perky Produce
But what really put the icing on the cake was how Peapod’s delivery service can make entertaining easier: Helping a girlfriend take out the frazzle of eleventh- hour shopping and put the dazzle back in a last-minute soiree. Yes! What we learned can help us—and you— delete one more obstacle to having a fabulous girls night.
Look Who Greeted Us!
Look Who Greeted Us!
Read on to see what we learned about their food quality and offerings for entertaining. And, see the end of this post for a great offer from Peapod that will save you $20 on your next grocery order.

It’s Cold in There

Our tour guide, Tony Stallone, Peapod’s Produce Guru, helped to put all our apprehensions about grocery stores of the 21st century to rest. Being skeptical yet savvy consumers, we initially thought that one would have to physically go to a store to get the freshest produce. But Tony was convincingly quick to point out that in order for Peapod’s service to succeed, the produce has to be better than the produce you would pick for yourself.  Simply put, if you were to pick bad cherries, you would only have yourself to blame. If Peapod were to send you bad cherries, it would not only be the pits for you but for them as well because as a consumer, you’re going to complain. Peapod’s produce goes through a careful inspection process. The fruits and vegetables are not only hand-selected but they are also tasted to ensure a positive experience for the customer. After touring the many different temperature zones in the warehouse (which, it seemed to us, were cool, chilly, cold, colder and freezing—because Peapod takes pride in never breaking the chain of coldness the entire time the food is in their warehouse) and walking among the peppers and apples (each have their own temperature-and humidity-controlled zone, by the way), we were sold on the quality of Peapod’s produce. The fruit in their warehouse looks much better than the room-temperature fruit selection we see at our local Jewel or Ultra. We won’t think twice when it comes to ordering a fruit tray or appetizers from Peapod for our next girls night.

Just a side note, the Produce Guru has his own blog about *drumroll please* produce which you can find here. He is very knowledgeable when it comes to selecting and storing produce: even grandma would be impressed. Here are a few of the tips he shared with us en toure.

  • Strawberries – Inspect the entire box of strawberries, don’t be afraid to turn the box over. The strawberries on the bottom and sides of the box will go bad first. Look especially at the shoulders of the strawberries, that’s where bruising occurs first.  Strawberries will last longer if kept at a colder temperature.
  • Apples – Refrigerate them. Keep them cold or they will go mealy.
  • Avocado – If the button pops off the end easily Makes, it is ripe.
  • Guacomole Dip – To store dip overnight without it turning black, place a plain piece of saran wrap over the dip and gently press down until all of the air is out of dip. Keeping the air from coming in contact with the dip will ensure it stays green.

    • Read the rest of this entry »


Wisdom for the Ages – From a Mom and Model

How do you live a long, healthy, happy, adventure-filled life? More to the point, how do you stay young when your years say you are old?  ”Learn your life-lessons along the way so they don’t need to keep being repeated, ” says Valerie Ramsey, author of Gracefully : Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age (2008, McGraw Hill). It was no surprise to us that “Get Girlfriends for Life” is one of those very important lessons, but we thought you’d enjoy hearing the rest of what Valerie, a mother, grandmother, executive and runway and print model, has to say. We truly enjoyed the positivity of her book, which reveals her secrets for how to nurture your health, stay positive, and look and feel your best, at any age. She encourages her readers to look forward to all the years that lay ahead, and gives particularly helpful advice on transitioning through life’s stages. It definitely is apropos for a Mother’s Day read – or a great gift for your mom! Valerie was kind enough to share her “Wisdom for the ages” with GirlfriendCelebrations. Read on to find out the best time to make girlfriends, according to her:

Women’s Life-Lessons from 30 to 70 with Author Valerie Ramsey

The 30’s: Underschedule Yourself: “The Thirties are the decade where you can do it all, look your best, excel at a career, marry the man of your dreams, have children, etc…and consequently, women in their 30s are usually exhausted trying to do it all. When activities are lined up endlessly, we must race through them like an athlete running the hurdles in a track-and-field competition. Jump, sprint, jump, sprint, jump..in contrast, having time and space-even the smallest amount, as long as it is allotted consciously-around activities invites us to savor, absorb, and actually experience them. Pauses allow your spirit to catch up with your body. Read the rest of this entry »


Have a Gardening Party For Your Next Girls Night (or Day)

Glorious Spring is here—the perfect opportunity to get the girls out into the garden! Gardening offers the opportunity to relieve stress and connect to nature while growing healthy food or nurturing beautiful blooms. Green thumb or not, here are some quick ideas for gardening-themed girlfriend get-togethers and activities.

Plant a group garden. Many towns have community garden plots that can be rented. Why not rent one with your girlfriends and meet weekly to garden together? It’s a built-in weekly date and everyone can share in the harvest. Or, if one girlfriend has the space for a large garden but doesn’t want to do all the work herself, she can offer the space for the group plot.

Have a “planting bee.” Many hands make light work, so bring your hands and your garden gloves to your girlfriend’s house and help get her spring planting done. Then, load up the wheelbarrow and move on to the next girlfriend’s house, and so on until everyone’s got some spring color in her yard. Be sure to have pitchers of lemonade, iced tea, and water on hand. Read the rest of this entry »


A Poetic Alternative to Book Club: The Poetry Party

While book clubs seem all the rage these days, gathering with the girls to discuss books leaves little room for a girl to express her creative side. Why not change up your next girls night in with a hip and soulful poetry party? With inspiration from National Poetry Month, Girlfriend Celebrations has created a party plan for girlfriends like you looking for a fresh, expressive outlet. A poetry jam for women who want a creative slice of life or an alternative to the humdrum girls night. Yes, you can create this party with poetic ease, even if you’re feeling at a loss for words.  So go ahead, get your guest list together and plan away with us. Read the rest of this entry »


5 Thoughtful Gifts For Mothers Day

With Mother’s Day less than a month away, it’s time to start thinking about a gift for the important moms in your life, a gift special enough for the women that have helped to make you who you are. Some of us are blessed to have a mom that is like a best girlfriend; nearly all of us have a mom, mother-in-law or mother figure to remember on Mother’s Day. Giving the right gift can be tricky: you’re navigating the fine line between what you can afford, what mom will like and what gift will make mom feel most appreciated. Who knew it would be so complicated? But don’t drop before you shop, girlfriend, because the Girlfriends-In-Chief have come up with a few gift ideas to inspire your Mother’s Day gift giving.

Here are 5 thoughtful gift ideas for special women in your life:

Charitable

Volunteer – Find a cause that mom is passionate about and volunteer together.

Present her with a wrapped or ribbon-tied photo album. In the front, place an invitation stating the day, time and place you have planned for the two of you to do your volunteering together. She can use the album for pictures to remember the special day you shared  helping out those less fortunate. Not only will you both be rewarded  with warm feelings of helping others, but volunteering can help you to grow as individuals as well as help to make your mother/daughter bond a little stronger. It’s a gift filled with warm fuzzies for all. Try searching www.volunteermatch.org to find volunteer opportunities near you.

Inspirational

Motivate – Encourage her to exercise! Give mom a gift certificate for your time as a weekly walking partner.

A key reason many people don’t work out is simply because they  lack motivation. It’s easier to work out if you have someone there  to motivate, get you going and hold you accountable to a workout  schedule. Why not be that motivation for mom to help her get in better shape and to help her feel better about herself?  Schedule a night or two each week ( just make sure you keep up your end of the bargain) to accompany mom on a healthy walk. Not only will you inspire some healthy habits, it will give you some quiet mom/daughter bonding time. Best of all, it’s free! A win/win gift for all.

Green

Plant a garden - Surprise her with a garden! Bring the supplies and your muscle power to plant the garden she always wanted but never had time or energy to create.

Planting a garden in the outdoors is a great option if you have the  yard space. However, If she lives in a townhouse or condo, you can still make an indoor garden together. A garden makes a great gift because it will keep her busy and give her something to look forward to. A gift bearing the fruit of your labor, what could be better than that? Read the rest of this entry »


Friendship And The Kid Factor – In the Chicago Tribune

Whether you’re a seasoned mom, a new mom, a mom-to-be or happily childfree, you’re sure to encounter the effects of parenthood on your friendships. Girlfriend-in-Chief Dawn was interviewed recently for an article in today’s Chicago Tribune that explores how to keep friendships strong despite the changes that come when one friend has a baby. You can keep your friendships alive, as long as you’re armed with dedication and understanding. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

3 tips for navigating a complicated friendship:

Take a class together. “Something that is ongoing so you don’t just meet once for coffee,” says GirlfriendCelebrations.com founder Dawn Bertuca. “It’s something you can look forward to and something you’ll continue to develop in common that has nothing to do with whether you have children or not.”

Remember birthdays. Parents often let their own birthdays come and go without fanfare, but friends without kids often still have the time (and disposable income) to toast their big day. Don’t assume your friend has adopted your birthday policy. In either case, your friend will appreciate a card or phone call from his or her pal.

Listen. “It’s important to remember not to talk about your kids all night,” Bertuca says. “On the other hand if you don’t have kids, be patient and let your friend talk about their kids a little bit.”

There’s much more HERE so click on over and read the entire article by Tribune Newspapers Reporter Heidi Stevens.

Read the rest of this entry »


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