Do you have a circle of girlfriends, or just wish you did? For many women, having a “circle of friends” is still a dream. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, explores the “circle” concept and offers her expert advice on how to grow your girlfriend circle. We’re honored to have her guest post, written just for GirlfriendCelebrations. Find out how to win a copy of Irene’s book below!

By Irene S. Levine, PhD (aka The Friendship Doctor)

The idea of a “circle of friends” isn’t new. Beginning in the late 1800s, Amish women formed quilting circles to share expertise and companionship. After they had finished individual patches for a quilt, they would come together (sometimes travelling over relatively long distances) during the spring and summer to lend a hand to one another in piecing them together. The quilters socialized as they sewed, catching up on gossip and developing long-lasting bonds that became part of the fabric of the Amish culture.

The desire to have an embracing circle of female friends hasn’t diminished but still remains elusive for many women. When I interviewed Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship, which chronicles the story of an exceptional friendship among 11 women that has extended over four decades, he told me two types of readers had written him: those who have a circle of friends similar to the “Girls” and those who wish they did! It’s easy to understand why many women without a tight-knit circle of friends would covet one for companionship, support and comfort they offer.

But as women graduate, marry, mother, divorce, move, or change work, often not even in any particular order, their lives often diverge and they find it difficult to maintain old friendships, let alone friendship circles. The girlfriends someone made in elementary and high school may live in other states or other nations. (One study of college students, found that the average student moved more than six times over the course of 19 years, and that the average distance between friends was 895 miles).  Your co-workers are more likely to hop from job to job than ever before, or decide to change their career paths entirely.

Don’t get me wrong. Not every woman wants or needs a circle. In my survey of more than 1500 women for my new book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, I found that certain personality factors may predispose some women to gravitate towards circles as opposed to one-on-one relationships. For example, compared to introverts, extroverts often enjoy having a larger number of friendships and may be more likely to relish the dynamics of a group. Or they may so thrive on being with people, that they like being part of circles as well as being part of twosomes.

If you are a person who feels even a tinge of circle envy, and there are many reasons why you would, there are still opportunities to forge a sisterhood later in life. One of the keys to creating a circle is creating or finding some natural affinity group that has the potential for longevity and creating rituals to bind the ties of friendship.

The Friendship Doctor’s Prescription for Circle Envy

• Join a knitting group, sewing circle, book club or cooking club;
• Organize a regular canasta, bridge, Bunco, Scrabble or mah-jongg game;
• Volunteer as part of a smaller group attached to a larger religious or civic organization;
• Volunteer at a museum or hospital;
• Become part of a church or faith-based community;
• Adopt a cause, such as conservation or animal welfare, or a political action group
• Join a support group of women who share a common problem
• [Editor's Note: One more suggestion: Look into Girlfriend Circles, a service that introduces you to potential friends in your area.]

With any luck, you will form natural ties within the group, Then, you can figure out ways to strengthen them at GirlfriendCelebrations!

Irene S. Levine, PhD is an award-winning freelance journalist and author who is trained as a psychologist. She blogs about female friendships on The Huffington Post and on The Friendship Blog. Her book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, was just published by Overlook Press. She is also a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine.

Now For the Giveaway!

When we first heard that Irene Levine was writing Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, we were a little dismayed. After all, friendship breakups are no fun. But now that Irene’s book has hit bookstores and we’ve read our copy cover to cover, we can truly say: This book should be on the bookshelf of every woman who cares about female friendship. Not only is it filled with the kind of smart advice Irene dispenses regularly on The Friendship Blog, it is warm, comforting and takes the shame out of losing a friendship. This book can help you come to terms with the friendships you have lost (and we’ve ALL lost girlfriends and wondered why) and give you hope for new friendships to come. It’s easy to read, and contains loads of scannable advice for us short-attention-span gals. Just read it! We’re giving away TWO COPIES of this fabulous book, courtesy of Irene Levine! To enter, simply:

1. Leave a comment on this post stating why you want the book, AND/OR

2. Re-tweet this contest using the hashtag #GirlfriendCelebrations and this link: http://bit.ly/32ugH4

Two winners will be chosen at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Thursday, September 24, 2009. Winner must have a U.S. shipping address. Good luck! Read the rest of this entry »

Big life events call for big celebrations, and who better to celebrate with than our girlfriends? Women are well-versed at celebrating milestones. Most of us can throw a baby shower or plan a wedding shower with our eyes closed. But when life throws you a curve, you need a new twist on the traditional girlfriend celebrations. For example: The Stepmom Shower! Izzy Rose, author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom shares how to throw one in this post, written especially for GirlfriendCelebrations. Izzy’s not a wicked stepmother, but she does have a wicked sense of humor, so enjoy, girlfriends!

by Izzy Rose

Single gals—have you noticed that the dating pool has changed recently? There’s a new ripple in it: Many of the eligible bachelors out there are hardly single. They come with small versions of themselves and an ex-wife! If you have a girlfriend who has recently taken the marital plunge and surfaced with a man plus kids, celebrate this life transition by throwing her a Stepmom Shower: an afternoon of girlfriend adoration and indulgence! Unlike the traditional baby shower where mama-to-be receives gifts for the survival of the newborn, the stepmom shower honors the grown woman, similarly thrust into an unknown world, just as naïve and in need of care. Because our girlfriends know best how to comfort us in times of uncertainty and stress, the Stepmom Shower celebrates female friendship, good humor and applauds the bravery required to plug into a family that existed long before you came along.

The setting

The “celebrated” shows up to the location of her choosing (shooting range, ice arena, wine bar, poolside cabana) in her wedding dress. (I don’t know about you, but I’ve just been waiting for an excuse to put on my Cinderella gown on again.) All attending ladies are asked to wear a retired bridesmaid dress.

Food and drink

What your girlfriend needs is some good, old-fashioned nurturing … not a low calorie meal! I suggest you ditch the healthy crudités, bust out the butter cookies and turn on the martini fountain.

The gifts

Give her something she will really appreciate, and use. A single gal turned insta-mom to half-grown kids has no need for bum powder and babydoll socks. If your girlfriend is going to survive stepmotherhood, she must remember to take care of herself. Here are a few of my favorite stepmom shower gifts:

A case (or box) of wine

1 pound of French cheese (crackers included)

90-minute massage

Xanax sampler pack

New lipsticks

Games

It wouldn’t be a shower without a competitive game, now would it? Since all of you will be in wedding attire that screams to be shown off, create a makeshift runway in the house (long hallways are perfect), turn on Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive,” and take turns walking the runway of America’s Next Top Mama.

The guest of honor will judge all participants and choose one winner based on the following criteria:
Attitude (Turn up the sass!)

Design (Ruffles, bows and lace! Who combines them all?)

Color (Go bold! Turquoise and electric pink are guaranteed crowd-pleasers.)

For a prize, consider a copy of my book, The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom.

Izzy Rose is the author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom, and is the founder of www.stepmothersmilk.com, a humorous blog and resource site for the modern-day stepmom. She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and his two sons. Read the rest of this entry »

You know how we love to get our chores done while having fun with our girlfriends. Well, our girlfriend Felicia from the Well-Heeled Society has come up with a way to combine two girls night party ideas in one: The book club/pedicure party. Now that’s a smart idea for busy girlfriends: Get your toes done, have fun, and discuss literature, all at the same time! Felicia created this party plan to celebrate the release of her book How To Stylishly Fall From Grace: Revelations From My Perfectly-Flawed Life.

Felicia has included suggestions of delicious spa products to use, as well as shoe-themed cocktails. Check out all her suggestions right here. And be sure to let us know what you think! Read the rest of this entry »

Swimsuit season not going the way you planned? Enlist the partnership of a girlfriend to help you eat right and get to the size you want! Kami Gray, author of The Denim Diet: Sixteen Simple Habits to Get You into Your Dream Pair of Jeans, wrote this post just for Girlfriend Celebrations, revealing the healthy eating secrets she shares with her best friend. As we know, everything’s better with a girlfriend, and eating right is no exception. Enjoy!

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In Part 1, Christine Arylo helped us define the kinds of friends we would like to have. In part two, she takes it a step further by identifying four friendship rings and the expectations we should have for each. 

By Christine Arylo

Not all girlfriends are the same – we have different friends for different reasons. Some are closer than others… some you connect with because of work or shared interests, or because you’ve known each other for years. When you understand the different levels of friendships, a.k.a. your Friendship Rings, you’re empowered to ask for and get what you need from every friend. Unknown, unmet and unexpressed, expectations are one of the major causes of friendships failure.

Action: Define your expectations for each Friendship Ring. On a piece of paper, draw a set of four concentric circles, one for each ring. Then list your expectations for each. Your expectations should differ depending on the type of friendship.

 Soul Sisters: Your closest circle. You share your lives.

 You may all have different mothers but these women are your heart and soul. They’re here for you in the best and worst of times. You can expect that they will pick up the phone when you call at 2 a.m. with a broken heart; that you can share all of yourself with them—the good and the ugly—and they will love you anyway; and that you can be completely honest about your feelings, even when you’re angry, and that they will listen and work with you to create an even deeper friendship.

Good Time Gals. You have fun with these girls. You share a good time.

You chat. You laugh. You never go too deep. You can expect that they will invite you to do things with you and accept the invitations you give; that they follow through on what they say they are going to do; and that when you’re together you can share what’s going on in your life and get some good advice, but nothing too deep.

Affectionate Aficionados. You work at the same company, belong to the same club, or run in the same social circles, but that’s as far as it goes. You share common interests.

You can expect that you will have a good time when you are together; that you will share your enthusiasm for your common interest but maybe not much more; and that they add good energy to your life, not suck it away or create drama. You can also expect that when that common interests shifts, you may no longer stay friends.

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Hey, girlfriends! We’re so excited to bring you this guest post from the dynamic Christine Arylo, self-love expert and developer of the Create Fabulous Friendships program. Christine wrote this article,  just for Girlfriend Celebrations readers. In it, she guides you through three questions to help you get clear on who you really want to call “girlfriend.” Look for part two on Monday!

by Christine Arylo

If you were asked, “What’s the biggest challenge you face to create the friendships you really want,” what would you say?

I’m going to let you in on a secret. Your biggest challenge is not time or the inability to meet new people. Your biggest challenge is you. You determine both the quantity and quality of your friendships based on who you are and how well you know who you want as a girlfriend, regardless of who’s in your circle today. Think about it. You wouldn’t consider dating or getting married without giving thought to who your mate is. Yet, even though we have close, intimate relationships with our girlfriends, we rarely give conscious thought to the kind of women they are. Instead, we choose friends by chance or duty, and with the busy lives we lead, you can’t afford to waste your friendtime on friendships based on obligation or on friendships that take more than they give.

If you’ve never stopped to ask yourself questions like, “What kind of women do I want in my life? Does my current circle of friends reflect the kind of energy I want to surround myself with?” chances are you are missing out on some great friendship opportunities, and spending too much energy on ones that don’t give you what you really want.

If you know who you want as a friend, you’re much more likely to attract that kind of person into your life. And she is much more likely to fit the life you are creating for yourself. So do yourself a favor, and take the time to get clear on who you really want to call girlfriend and why. Ask yourself the following questions using the action activities to get you crystal clear on your answers.

Questions For Creating Fabulous Friendships

QUESTION 1:  Why do I want friends?

It seems like a no-brainer question. Who doesn’t want friends, right? True, but this is a question worth answering because your response will tell you a lot about what you expect friendships to do for you. We all have different motivations, most of us just don’t know what they are.

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April is Alcohol Awareness Month, and that got us to thinking about “mocktails.”

Festive, alcohol-free beverages should be part of every chic hostess’s repertoire. Many girlfriends are eliminating alcohol from their diets as a way of life or as a choice in their day. But just because they’re going alcohol-free, it doesn’t mean they have to miss out on the fun! We’ve got a recipe from Natalie Bovis-Nelsen’s book, Preggatinis: Mixology for the Mom-to-be, plus more ideas and tips to help you serve some delicious mocktails at your next girlfriend gathering.

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Winners have been notified. Check your email! Ah, motherhood. So rewarding, so challenging, so…hilarious? Mother’s Day is just around the corner, girlfriends, and it’s not too early to start thinking about your mom and all she means to you…and Mother’s Day gifts, of course! We’ve got just the antidote to those sappy Mother’s Day cards and gifts. Have you visited the website PostcardsFromYoMomma? It’s a hilarious collection of emails from people’s moms. Started by two girlfriends, Doree Shafrir and Jessica Grose, PostcardsFromYoMomma became an online sensation just days after launching. Now, these smart ladies are bringing us an alternative to mushy Mother’s Day items with Love, Mom: Poignant, Goofy, Brilliant Messages from Home(248 pages, 2009, Hyperion). This little hardcover is filled with laugh-out-loud moments. Warning: It’s hard to put down! Doree and Jessica were kind enough to answer a few questions just for GirlfriendCelebrations.com. Read on for the interview. Then, see the end of this post to find out how you can win one of FIVE free copies of the book. It makes a great, giggle-inducing gift for anyone who is a mom or just has a mom!

Q. How did this project get started?

Jessica: My mother sent me a particularly ridiculous email, and I thought it was so funny I sent it to Doree. Her immediate reaction was, OMG, my mom sends me emails just like this! It was during the work day, and Doree went out to get some ice cream—upon her return she said, let’s put these up on a website. So we started the site and sent out an email to our closest friends asking for submissions. After only a few days, we realized we had stumbled on something that people really related to.

Q. Were you girlfriends before this project? How has working together affected your friendship? (or vice versa?) 

Doree: We were friendly before the project started but we didn’t know each other very well—we mostly IMed during the day but we hadn’t hung out that much one-on-one. One of the nicest parts of doing this project together was that we became much closer friends. We also (fortunately!) discovered that we work really well together.

Q. What have you learned about moms or about motherhood from doing this project?

Doree/Jessica: We realized that no matter what a mother is saying—whether she’s nagging you about writing thank-you notes, gabbing about her latest shoe purchase, or just saying hi—she’s doing it from a place of love and concern. Even though we sometimes roll our eyes at our moms’ emails, doing this gave us a greater appreciation for just how much they want the best for us.
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[Congratulations to Natalie Tucker Miller. Look for a new giveaway soon!] Just hitting the New York Times best-seller list, The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter, and the Town That Raised Them (225 pages, 2009, Hyperion) is an affectionate, witty memoir by Chicago Tribune advice columnist Amy Dickinson (”Ask Amy”). We know you’re going to enjoy this book, girlfriends! It’s an inspiring read about accepting oneself, prevailing in the face of failures, and doing it all supported by a band of women who can’t get enough of each other. From celebrating her “dorkitude” to pondering “Livestock in the Kitchen,” Dickinson is endearingly candid as she tells the story of being a single mother to daughter Emily, finding herself professionally, and realizing the ultimate happy ending. This is a book you’ll want to grab for a book club or pass among your girlfriends group. For a chance to a get a free copy, see the end of this post. But first, read our interview with the author. Imagine our thrill at having our own personal chance to “Ask Amy” about female friendship! She graciously dished with us about the Mighty Queens, how to make friends, what she wants women to learn from her book, and more. And yes, she was every bit as nice, warm and bubbly as you’d imagine!

Q. Who are the Mighty Queens of Freeville, and what makes them mighty?

A. Well, my daughter assigned this [title], ironically, to my mother and my aunts because, of course, we live in this cruddy little town, so it was originally an ironic title, and we laughed about it, but then, I think it became true. And one of the things I realized after I finished writing the book was that Emily and I had assumed our place in the hierarchy. And so, the Mighty Queens are the women in my world who know and love us, who nurture and support us, who laugh at our jokes. It’s sort of about being appreciated, on the one hand; on the other hand, they are in charge of their own destiny. All of these women were single mothers raising kids. They are independent, they’re smart, they’re snappy, they’re funny, and they take care of one another. That’s what passes for royalty around here. 

Q. Most of the women in your book are related to you. For people who don’t have a really strong family base, can girlfriends fill that role? 

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[Winners have been notified. Please check your email. Thanks to everyone who entered!] Well, we told you we’d be celebrating all things red in February. Bet you weren’t thinking of your old Aunt Flo! But once we introduce you Rachel Kauder-Nalebuff and her fabulous new MY LITTLE RED BOOK, you’ll at least consider celebrating your monthly visitor. In My Little Red Book (240 pages, Twelve Books), this 18-year old author presents a collection of stories about first periods, gathered from women of all ages from around the world. The accounts range from light-hearted (while water skiing in a yellow bathing suit) to heart-stopping (a first period discovered just as one girl was about to be strip-searched by the Nazis). The contributors include well-known women writers (Meg Cabot, Erica Jong, Gloria Steinem, Cecily von Ziegesar), alongside today’s teens. The taboo around menstruation seems to be one of the few left standing. By revealing what it feels like to undergo this experience firsthand, and giving women the chance to explain their feelings in their own words, My Little Red Book aims to provide support, entertainment, and a starting point for discussion for mothers and daughters everywhere. Whether you’re seeking a thought-provoking read for your book club or a thoughtful gift for a teen, we know you’ll enjoy this engaging book. We were delighted to interview Rachel Kauder Nalebuff—this young woman deserves kudos not only for her accomplishment, but for her giving spirit. In addition, we’re giving free copies of the book to FIVE lucky readers! Perhaps a Valentine gift to yourself? Read on for all the details:

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