The other day, we received a reader comment that really made us pause. A reader who identified herself as Jasemine said:

“Ever since I was ditched by two friends nearly 3 years ago, I have sworn I would never have female friendships again. Their actions hurt me deeply and I have never got over it. So for me the sisterhood and all things supposedly connected to women’s friendships are a farce to me.”

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Hurt by the betrayal of a friend or supposed friend. It’s easy to become bitter when you’ve been “ditched.” But we don’t believe swearing off female friendship is the answer. That’s why we wanted to reach out to Jasemine and let her know that the “sisterhood” is indeed real, and available to all. We hope you can help!

First of all, let’s acknowledge that it’s not a pink and perfect world out there in girlfriendland. Friendships do end, for a variety of reasons. Lives evolve, circumstances change, people move on. Sometimes girlfriends are just mean and rotten. But losing a friend (or two) does not make you “unfriendable.” Actually, the opposite is true: A friendship breakup is a great learning experience. It can show you what you don’t want in a friend, or what you can do differently next time you find a potential pal. More often than not, the problem may be about them, not about you.

“If you’re feeling angry at a girlfriend who did something that hurt you or made you lose trust, it’s important to try to figure out what happened. Did you make a poor choice? Did you become too close too soon? Did YOU do anything to provoke the breakup?” says “friendship doctor” Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. “Sometimes, however, the reason for the breakup is impossible to decipher. Jasemine’s friend may have had something else, entirely unrelated to the friendship, going on in her life that was simply too painful to share. If you don’t know what happened to a friendship, it’s often because there’s a missing piece of information. Try to forgive and let go of the lost friendship or else you’ll lose out in the end.”

Readers can find advice on how to make new friends in several places on this site, from the Girlfriends-in-Chief as well as some fabulous guest bloggers. But that’s not necessarily what Jasemine needs right now. Girlfriends, would you share your experiences? What does female friendship mean to you? Is “the sisterhood” a farce? Have you ever been “ditched” by a girlfriend? How did you recover? What advice do you have for Jasemine? Here’s hoping she reads your responses and gives female friendship another try.

Update! Jasemine sent us this reply:

“Thank you for taking up my comment. But the pain of being ditched still ricohets today. I was dumped by these two so called friends out of the blue. One ditched me because I feel because I was single, childless and not married. The other one just suggested we take a break from each other. I contacted the other friend to arrange a meeting up, but unfortunately I had a serious situation at work, but this person did not understand that and I tried to explain, but they just said they had made plans and the phone was put down on me. I wrote a letter trying to explain that I was sorry if she felt I let her down but to no avail. Towards the end of the year when it happened it was her way of ending the friendship. It dawned on me that I was being ditched. First shock, denial disbelief then despair, now just bitterness. So I dont like other women. Its just big one big bitchfest with women. I have had with it with female friendships. Its nice if the sisterhood works for you but for me it hasnt worked out at all. Its all just one big farce I choose to stay away from. So much for sex in the city and friends and all that, but for some of us friendship just doesnt work.”

Guess what, girlfriends? We’ve declared September the Month of Friendship! To celebrate, this week we’re proudly featuring posts by all the bloggers in the Friendship Circle. We think you’re going to enjoy meeting them, exploring their websites and reading what they have to say about female friendship. Look for our own contribution on Friday, but for now, check out this contribution by Debba Haupert, founder of Girlfriendology.

By Debba Haupert

Admit it. We love to celebrate holidays.

Some because we get the day off work (thank you Presidents Lincoln and Washington), some out of respect (Labor Day and Memorial Day), some based on relationships like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We show our love on Valentine’s Day, our gratitude on Thanksgiving and our history on the 4th of July. We even go so far as to recognize our passions with National Ice Cream Month and Rubber Duckie Day, our fears – National Mold Awareness Month (yikes!) and pretend everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.

We’ve got a holiday for just about everything – very event, passion, religion and quirk that we want to recognize, acknowledge, draw attention to and celebrate.

But what about celebrating the unique relationship that is known to make women healthier, happier, less stressed, live longer and even feel more beautiful? Doesn’t that warrant a special celebration? Doesn’t the combination of raised self esteem, being given the gift of laughter when you wanted to cry, having someone to call when you get bad news or just knowing you have a friend who won’t let you down deserve its own celebration?

WE think so.

WE are a group of women who are following our passion of inspiring women to connect, appreciate and celebrate female friendships. We are five writers and friendship experts who have partnered together to promote the benefits of female friendship, ideas on how to connect with and celebrate friends, insights into all aspects of friendship and general ‘girlfriend advice’ for women. We blog, speak, publish, tweet and inspire female friendship every way we can.

We are the “Friendship Circle”

We all believe that we should celebrate female friendship. So we’re partnering in September for a Month of Friendship to bring attention to the need that women have to prioritize their friendships, to provide inspiration on spending time with and celebrating those friendships, and to highlight the benefits in store for females who have strong bonds with their girlfriends.

Who are WE? We’re glad you asked!

The Friendship Blog – Produced by psychologist, professor of psychiatry, and author Dr. Irene S. Levine (The Friendship Doctor), The Friendship Blog is the only authoritative place for women on the internet to anonymously ask and receive advice about their friendship problems and dilemmas. The blog was created in 2007 and helped create the platform for Dr. Levine’s recent book, “Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend.” Find her on twitter @irenelevine.

GirlfriendCelebrations – The premier source of girls night ideas on the web. Founded by friends Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop in 2005, the blog offers original ideas for girls night in, girls night out, girlfriend get-togethers and girlfriend getaways. Believing that “Girlfriends Make Life Better™,” these girlfriends take women beyond “bunco” and deliver fun and meaningful ways for female friends to stay connected. Find them on Facebook here and on Twitter @GirlfriendCeleb and @GirlsNightOut.

GirlFriendCircles.com – The only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting circles of women in local areas. In over 25 cities and growing fast, women between 21-65, are matched and introduced to each other in small groups at local cafes and wine bars to meet other women who value expanding their circle of face-to-face friends. Founder Shasta Nelson, a life coach, blogs weekly on women’s friendship issues. Find Shasta at http://www.facebook.com/GirlFriendCircles and on twitter @GirlfrndCircles

Girlfriendology.com – The online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Girlfriendology offers inspiring blogs, BlogTalkRadio podcast interviews with amazing women, girlfriend gifts, online communities and more. Founded in 2006 by Debba Haupert, Girlfriendology has a large and growing social media community of 19k+ Twitter followers (& we block men!) and 7k+ female Facebook fans. Find Debba at http://www.facebook.com/Girlfriendology and on twitter @girlfriendology.

MWF Seeking BFF – written by Rachel Bertsche, MWF Seeking BFF chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love. In her daily posts, Bertsche reveals anecdotes from her quest, shares resources for meeting new people, and wonders about modern-day friendship conundrums. MWF Seeking BFF the book will be published by Ballantine in early 2012. Find Rachel on twitter @rberch.

The Month of Friendship kicks off TODAY and will feature a cross-platform series of blog posts on each of the five participating websites. Each founder will each write a post in her particular area of expertise, with one post appearing on all five websites each day.

So girlfriend, you’re invited to join us on this fun, friend-filled month with the Friendship Circle. Follow these daily blogs, join our Facebook pages and get in the conversation about the incredible blessings and benefits of girlfriends. And, like girlfriends do, share these blogs with your girlfriends. Together we can influence women to support each other, reach out to women in need of a friend and to be the kind of girlfriend we’d love to have.

Celebrate the Month of Friendship with the Friendship Circle!

Debba Haupert  is founder of Girlfriendology.com, the online community of women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship.

Crossing the Chicago River

Completing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is a lot like childbirth: Painful but rewarding. Walking 39.3 miles in two days is, simply, hard. No matter how much you have trained, you can’t totally prepare for your feet repetitively pounding on pavement and Mother Nature dishing up some wet and windy surprises. Bones hurt, blisters pop, chafing appears in (ahem) private places, humidity induces unusual rashes. By the end of Day One, you’re not sure you really want to (or can) get up and walk on Day Two. And yet, the main takeaway from the weekend is a feeling of triumph. In fact, many find this feeling so addictive they choose to do the walk year after year (perhaps, in a phenomenon similar to that of childbirth, selective amnesia sets in).

I spent the Avon Walk weekend with eight other women brought together by our personal trainer, Tracy, a Walk veteran. Training for the walk was a classic example of our philosophy at GirlfriendCelebrations – doing something meaningful together builds friendships! Establishing a walking routine is a great girlfriend-bonding activity. During our training walks, my teammates Liz, Cathy, Robin and I had nothing to do but talk. We’re definitely closer as a result. And during the Walk weekend, I was privileged to get to know my other teammates Teresa, Bonnie, Linsday, and Sherry better as we walked and talked.

Even though our group sentiment was “never again,” after walking 26 miles (a marathon!) the first day of the event, my memory of it now is fond and framed in pink. I’m proud of our accomplishment. We did it, girls! What kept us going? The things that unite women during any bonding experience, whether it’s college rush, child rearing, or working in adjacent cubicles:

Common purpose – We were there for a reason, after all. Every single walker was mindful that we were there to end breast cancer. When we tired, all we needed to do was look around, or read the personalized shirt on the walker in front of us: “I’m walking for my mom. Miss you.” Surrounded by more than 3,000 girlfriends united by a common purpose (and yes, there were some brave men among them), we found it easier to keep walking.  More than 300 breast cancer survivors participated in the walk as well, and if they could do it, then we could, too.

Community support - In every neighborhood we walked, residents made signs, cheered, brought out their children, dressed up their dogs, and offered candy, water, and encouragement. “Great job, ladies! You can do it!” I can’t overstate how much this helped, especially when there were only a few painful miles to go.

Each other – Whenever I had doubts about my ability to finish the walk, I remembered my teammates and I knew, from training with them, that they would keep me going. I would not be going it alone. We would have each other, and that would be enough. Literally, just knowing that I was entering this event with a team made it easier to feel I would finish. Isn’t that the way in life? How many events, big and small, have your girlfriends carried you through?

Making it fun – At each city intersection, we were greeted by colorful crossing guards who decorated their motorcycles – and themselves -  as outlandishly as possible. I’ve never seen so many men in brassieres. Women piled on pink bracelets, beads, hats, feather boas, and costumes to celebrate the event. Punny team names dominated the day (my favorite team  – the Incredi-Boobs – was complete with superhero capes). What a great lesson in finding the humor in a great challenge.

Sheer perseverence. Putting one foot in front of the other. At the end of each day, that’s all we were doing – putting one foot in front of the other. Determined to finish, because we could, and others could not. Because blisters beat chemo any day. Because we wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment in doing what we promised to do. And, because we were together. We crossed the finish line arm in arm, some of us in tears, proud of ourselves and each other.

In Chicago, the 2010 Avon Walk for Breast Cancer raised more than $7.7 million to advance access to care and finding a cure for breast cancer. The Avon Walk Chicago, the fourth of nine Avon Walks this year, attracted more than 3,400 participants from 45 states, Washington, D.C., and Denmark, including 307 breast cancer survivors, who joined together to raise lifesaving funds and awareness for breast cancer. Carol Kurzig, president of the Avon Foundation for Women, announced during the Closing Ceremony a total of more than $2.35 million in grants to eight local organizations, ensuring the funds raised immediately benefit the community. More grants are slated to be awarded throughout the year to breast cancer programs nationwide. For more information, visit www.avonwalk.org

How do you live a long, healthy, happy, adventure-filled life? More to the point, how do you stay young when your years say you are old?  ”Learn your life-lessons along the way so they don’t need to keep being repeated, ” says Valerie Ramsey, author of Gracefully : Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age (2008, McGraw Hill). It was no surprise to us that “Get Girlfriends for Life” is one of those very important lessons, but we thought you’d enjoy hearing the rest of what Valerie, a mother, grandmother, executive and runway and print model, has to say. We truly enjoyed the positivity of her book, which reveals her secrets for how to nurture your health, stay positive, and look and feel your best, at any age. She encourages her readers to look forward to all the years that lay ahead, and gives particularly helpful advice on transitioning through life’s stages. It definitely is apropos for a Mother’s Day read – or a great gift for your mom! Valerie was kind enough to share her “Wisdom for the ages” with GirlfriendCelebrations. Read on to find out the best time to make girlfriends, according to her:

Women’s Life-Lessons from 30 to 70 with Author Valerie Ramsey

The 30’s: Underschedule Yourself: “The Thirties are the decade where you can do it all, look your best, excel at a career, marry the man of your dreams, have children, etc…and consequently, women in their 30s are usually exhausted trying to do it all. When activities are lined up endlessly, we must race through them like an athlete running the hurdles in a track-and-field competition. Jump, sprint, jump, sprint, jump..in contrast, having time and space-even the smallest amount, as long as it is allotted consciously-around activities invites us to savor, absorb, and actually experience them. Pauses allow your spirit to catch up with your body. While there are a few women who seem to thrive in overdrive, the majority of us run the risk of depleting our immune systems, draining our emotional reserves, and fraying our nerves if we run too fast too long. When my 6 children were all very young when I was in my thirties, I had two rituals that saved my sanity and were my downtime: During nap time, or when the children were in school, I would avoid the temptation to fold laundry or do any sort of housework and instead would just take a time out for me – take a nap, read a magazine, write in my journal, chat on the phone with a friend – whatever I felt like doing. It was my ‘mental health’ time! In the evenings after the children were in bed, I loved having knitting or needlepoint projects to work on.”

The 40’s: Get Girlfriends For Life: “By the time you reach 40, women we chose to hang around with in our twenties and even thirties have often fallen by the wayside through different life paths and/or outgrowing each other. The great news is that at age 40 you really know what you want in a female friend and what you don’t. During my 40’s, it was an ideal time to form these strong and lasting friendships. By then my children were older, the demands on my time were relaxing somewhat, and I had the time and the freedom to pursue my own friendships. Often, too, my husband and I would get together with other couples and their families and go off on weekends or vacations together. Whether you’re wrapped up in a career, or still raising a family, when you’re in your 40’s you realize and appreciate the value of girlfriends who will be with you for the rest of your life (and probably will outlive your mate too!). Do everything you can to enhance those bonds during this decade.”

The 50’s: Find and Own Your Voice. “I chose this life-lesson for the Fifties because it was the decade that I finally stopped doing for everyone else and listened to what I needed and then acted upon that. When I reached my 50’s, the children were grown and my husband and I had moved from the east coast out to California. I had always known that eventually I wanted to have a career doing something that would be exciting, challenging and fulfilling in a beautiful place where I would meet lots of interesting people. By looking back over my life and reflecting on what I had been attracted to and enjoyed, I had a good idea in general of what that might be. I started working at the famed Pebble Beach Resort in Carmel, California in the Golf Shop and I slowly but diligently worked my way up to be their Director of Public Relations!”

THE 60’s: Create A New Look: Going Grey Doesn’t Mean Acting Grey!!
“Let’s face it, the look you had going in your forties may have been stretched through your fifties but once you are sixty, you do really need a senior makeover for yourself-or you may come off looking like one of those women who just try too hard and can’t pull it off. Forever 21 may be a store but it’s not a prescription for looking your best! For years, I had had blonde streaks put in my light brown hair, but by the age of 60, the highlights didn’t last and this new silvery color started taking over. I decided to go with it, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The transition was quite easy, and now, funny as it seems, my hair has become a signature for me. People stop me all the time to comment on it – something that never happened when I was spending all that time and money to color it! I love the ease and convenience- not having to rely on a colorist to keep me looking well. The key to letting your hair go gray is good conditioning and styling so that your silver hair is always shiny and healthy looking. And to having the confidence to love yourself – silver hair and all.”

The 70’s: Expect the Best of What’s Next “On my 70th birthday I woke up not with a feeling of dread, but with one of tremendous excitement. I just knew that 70 wasn’t the end – that it was merely the start of a whole, quite fabulous new decade and that there were lots of unimagined adventures still lying ahead. Even when I suddenly became terribly ill and was knocked out of commission for about two months, that didn’t deter me or my enthusiasm for the coming decade at all. I am fully recovered now and thrilled by the path that lies ahead. A few months after I turned 70, my booker at Silver Models called to find out if by any chance I was in New York at the time, but unfortunately I wasn’t. I was still at home recovering from being ill for so long. Time Magazine had requested me for a cover shot and wanted to meet me the next day and shoot it the day after that! To say I hated to miss that opportunity is the understatement of all time.”

For more information on Valerie Ramsey, go to valerieramsey.com

For many, making new friends can be a daunting project.  Let’s face it, putting yourself out there to risk feeling rejected is a shoe than many are not eager to fill. But studies show that finding girlfriends to laugh with and confide in will  not only make you feel better, but can be a life saver as well. Our girlfriend Jessica over at The Improbable Housewife has had to put on that shoe of

A lot of love in the room

By Jessica, The Improbable Housewife

Are You a Recluse? Girl, You Need to Get a Friend!

Are you one of those people who make friends easily? Do you thrive in social situations? Have you ever thought that the quiet individual hanging back on the side of the group must be stuck up or unfriendly? Why isn’t she participating in the conversation… after all, it is just the girls. Or, are you that girl?

Do You Have a Difficult Time Making Friends?

Be Confident
Have you ever thought of faking it until you make it? Simply put: Act more confident than you are until you become the confident person you want to be. It really can work.

Case in point: I was shy at heart, introverted to a fault, and was never one to start up conversations with strangers. It wasn’t a bad thing; it was just who I was.

Then I found myself trapped in a stressful situation and I needed a friend. My husband was on an overseas military remote assignment and I was left setting up a new home after a move across the country with a two-year-old and an infant. You heard me right, I needed a friend. This wasn’t optional; it simply had to happen for my sanity.

Where do you find new friends?

Look in your comfort zone

Have you ever moved to a new area where you had to start all over? Or, maybe you are just at a crossroads in your life and you need friends who share common interests? You don’t have to be afraid to take the leap to make new friendships. Take baby steps. Yes, you need to step outside your comfort zone, but it can be done in places where you are comfortable.

Parks

If you are a mom with young children, your neighborhood park is the perfect place to make friends. Moms are there with their kids and want to have adult conversations. I guarantee you won’t be the only one there open to a new friendship.

Work

Do you have a coworker you like to chat with? Make a date for a girl’s night out! You’re already friendly, so this is just taking an extra step.

Community

Are you new in the neighborhood? Strike up a conversation with your neighbor while you are out in the yard and ask if they know of a neighborhood Girls Night Out. Then GO!

Kids’ Activities

Do you talk to any of the moms at your child’s sporting events? Why not? You have something in common; you might as well be chummy while you’re watching… especially if there are a lot of practices involved.

Step Outside The Box

There are so many places where you can meet people, have conversations and make friends if you choose to step outside your box and expose yourself to the possibility of rejection. Yes, we are all afraid of it. Really, we shouldn’t be. You’ve heard it before… if at first you don’t succeed, try again.

What are ways that you step outside your comfort zone to establish friendships?

GirlfriendCelebrations would love to hear your tips for making new friends. Be a friend: Leave a comment or tip for the next girlfriend about how to try on that shoe of uncertainty, take a risk and make a new friend. After all, a girl can never have too many girlfriends, can she?

For the healthy, the holiday season can be hectic and harried. For the “Breast Cancer Warrior,” it’s all that and more. As a Breast Cancer Warrior  since November 2005, our girlfriend Brooke Jones knows that holiday gift giving can be challenging. After learning that she had become the 5th of 6 women in her family to hear the words: “You have breast cancer” she created a unique website for women, www.BreastCancerWarrior.net, featuring crucial information, expert articles, links to the Internet’s most-respected breast cancer web sites, and…humor. She hopes to reach every girlfriend with knowledge, education and laughter. So listen on as she guides us through gifts worthy of giving to the girlfriends we love.

By Brooke Jones

If there’s a BC Warrior on your holiday list, you might be asking yourself this question: “What do you give to the person whose one wish is to live?” Though the question is deep, the answer is simple: You give YOU. (and no, I’m not talking organ donation, I’m talking ENERGY donation).

Breast Cancer Warriors frequently describe the exhaustion caused by treatment as ‘feeling like somebody yanked out my batteries”. Every shred of energy is suddenly gone. Who knew it takes energy to just close your eyes? Trust me — it does, and in the midst of chemo and radiation therapy that was almost more energy than I could muster. So, speaking from extensive personal experience, I say to you that one of the greatest gifts you can give to a Breast Cancer Warrior is hands-on assistance with the innumerable tasks of day-to-day living.

And so, I recommend the following free and fabulous holiday gift idea: a Gift Card, from The Store Of You. Made redeemable for any of the following, it will be a priceless gift for the Breast Cancer Warrior in your life:

Babysitting

If the BC Warrior in your life is the mother of youngsters, offer to watch the kids (in your home) on specific days, for specified hours.

Even better:

A Child-Free Weekend

Give her some time to heal, take the kids to spend a weekend with you in your home. That would give a BC Warrior an exquisite (and desperately needed) vacation. (Several friends can sign up for this or other gift cards and by doing so can share the actual giving of the gift, thus making the gift last much longer).

House Cleaning

Dust, mop, do laundry, change the sheets on the beds, and vacuum (vacuum cleaners are often just too heavy for BC Warriors to deal with). Do what you can to help your BC Warrior’s home be comfy, cozy and clean once a week or once every other week for a specified period of time.

Home-Cooked Meals

This gift works best when you cook the meals in your home and then bring the food to your BC Warrior’s home.

Important food note: Before you start cooking, check with your BC Warrior to learn what foods she should not be eating right now. For many BC Warriors, anything containing soy is a ‘no no’, for example. There are also specific food ‘no no’s’ for BC Warriors who are undergoing chemotherapy, so be sure to ask before you start cooking.

For specific information on this subject, go to: www.BreastCancerWarrior.net, click on the FOOD WISE category, and read the article entitled: “Foods To Avoid During Chemo”.

Secretarial Service

Breast Cancer Warriors tend to have stacks of paperwork that need tending to, but their chemo-fogged brains just aren’t up to the task. As a result, the bills; the insurance paperwork; the ‘unbalanced’ check book; the medical reports; the thank-you cards; the disability applications, etc, etc, etc, ad (truly) nauseum, are often stuffed into a drawer where, it is hoped, they will somehow sort themselves out. If you have a sneaky suspicion that this description fits the BC Warrior in your life, then your services as a part-time Secretary will be a godsend.

As are gift cards that are redeemable for:

Dog Walking

Daily (if you can) or trips to the dog park on the weekends, make a welcome reprieve from dog duty.

Pet Sitting

Take the four-legged to your home for a few days or take the furry family members to the groomer for a professional cleaning. BC Warriors frequently have compromised immune systems, so having clean pets becomes more a matter of protecting the health of your BC Warrior than about her having to live with the oh-so-common winter aroma of ‘wet dog’.

Grocery Shopping

Make a list of the foods she needs (don’t buy things that she shouldn’t eat), and do the weekly food shopping for her.

Chauffeuring

Drive your girlfriend to and from doctor’s appointments, or drive her children to and from their regular activities. (and, by the way, if your BC Warrior is going through chemotherapy, offer to stay with her during a session or two. Having you there with her will make the treatment session feel less like a prolonged medical procedure and more like a prolonged visit with a cherished friend.)

Girlfriend Therapy

A Gift Card can even include a FRIEND’S THERAPY SESSION (in person or by phone), during which your BC Warrior is allowed to vent, scream, cry, and whine without interruption or judgment for thirty minutes. This one can be a real life-saver.

Many BC Warriors bottle up their fear, pain and depression because they think that’s what’s expected of them. Each time a BC Warrior hears the words: “You are so brave”, she feels the need to live up to that label. She’ll dig down deep, put on a ‘brave’ face and tell you that she’s ‘fine’, even though, just under the surface, she’s coming unglued.

As research clearly shows, ‘stuffed’ emotions amplify within us, creating an overabundance of adrenaline and stomach acids that can actually feed the cancer we are trying so hard to fight. Knowing that a BC Warrior has a safe place to dump her fears – where nothing she says will go any farther and will never be thrown back in her face — will help more than you can imagine.

So…all that remains is to design your gift card, print it out, and put it in a box. Wrap the box in fun paper, and place it under your BC Warrior’s Christmas tree. (which reminds me – helping a BC Warrior decorate her tree, and then, after Christmas, ‘un-decorate’ it, pack up the ornaments, and get rid of the tree is another gift that will be enormously appreciated).

And…if you knit, by all means do make the Gift Card from The Store of You redeemable for a few warm, cozy, adorable KNIT HATS. BC Warriors who have lost their hair to Chemotherapy know how quickly body heat sneaks out of the body through a hairless head….so, for Breast Cancer Warriors, hats aren’t a ‘vanity accessory’ worn to hide baldness, they are an absolute necessity, especially during the winter. (Many BC Warriors even sleep in their knit hats!) Make one to match her PJ’s, and one to match her winter coat. She’ll love them!

…and, of course, every BC Warrior could use a warm and cozy BC Warrior Zip-Up Hoodie. They’re perfect for chemo day and available online at the BC Warrior Gift Shop at BreastCancerWarrior.net

So, this holiday season, what should you give the BC Warrior in your life? Give the gift of YOU — your love, your laughter, your prayers and your positive energy. (And please do tell your BC Warrior about BreastCancerWarrior.net. The information and the laughter she will find there will be a gift unto itself)

Brooke Jones is a former stand-up comedian, Los Angeles radio personality and screenwriter. Now, in addition to fighting cancer, Brooke is the creator and editor-in-chief of BreastCancerWarrior.net — the internet’s unique breast cancer web Site, featuring crucial information, expert articles, links to the Internet’s most-respected breast cancer web sites, and …humor.

Here it is, our first video blog, courtesy of the people at The Gratitude Challenge. Hope you enjoy it.

In Part 1, Christine Arylo helped us define the kinds of friends we would like to have. In part two, she takes it a step further by identifying four friendship rings and the expectations we should have for each. 

By Christine Arylo

Not all girlfriends are the same – we have different friends for different reasons. Some are closer than others… some you connect with because of work or shared interests, or because you’ve known each other for years. When you understand the different levels of friendships, a.k.a. your Friendship Rings, you’re empowered to ask for and get what you need from every friend. Unknown, unmet and unexpressed, expectations are one of the major causes of friendships failure.

Action: Define your expectations for each Friendship Ring. On a piece of paper, draw a set of four concentric circles, one for each ring. Then list your expectations for each. Your expectations should differ depending on the type of friendship.

 Soul Sisters: Your closest circle. You share your lives.

 You may all have different mothers but these women are your heart and soul. They’re here for you in the best and worst of times. You can expect that they will pick up the phone when you call at 2 a.m. with a broken heart; that you can share all of yourself with them—the good and the ugly—and they will love you anyway; and that you can be completely honest about your feelings, even when you’re angry, and that they will listen and work with you to create an even deeper friendship.

Good Time Gals. You have fun with these girls. You share a good time.

You chat. You laugh. You never go too deep. You can expect that they will invite you to do things with you and accept the invitations you give; that they follow through on what they say they are going to do; and that when you’re together you can share what’s going on in your life and get some good advice, but nothing too deep.

Affectionate Aficionados. You work at the same company, belong to the same club, or run in the same social circles, but that’s as far as it goes. You share common interests.

You can expect that you will have a good time when you are together; that you will share your enthusiasm for your common interest but maybe not much more; and that they add good energy to your life, not suck it away or create drama. You can also expect that when that common interests shifts, you may no longer stay friends.

The Original Class. You’ve been friends a long time. But even if you’re not really close anymore, there is still a connection. You share a common history.

You may only talk once a year, if even that, or maybe more, but it’s not the quantity of time that matters, it’s that you can always pick up the phone or email and you will get a response and still feel connected. You can expect that they will be happy to hear from you; that you will keep each other updated on your lives but probably not share the torid details; and that when you hang up the phone they will say nice things about you and not turn your conversation into the gossip of the week.

So now what? Recognize that not all friendships are created equal, and when we try to apply the same rules to all friendships, we usually end up unhappy. The key to any great friendship is expectations and each type of friendship should have different expectations. By understanding your various friendship rings, you can get clear on what your expectations are for each kind of friendship. This will allow you to discern whether your current friendships are giving you what you need and expect, communicate your expectations to your friends, ensure that you don’t have unrealistic expectations, and adjust expectations in cases where you want to keep the friendship but maybe not have it be such a close one.

Every relationship you have in your life is a direct reflection of the honesty, awareness, love, trust and respect you have for yourself. So if it’s fabulous friendships you want, start with creating a great relationship with yourself… it’s the surest way to attract and keep fabulous women into your life.

What do you think, girlfriends? Drop your questions, thoughts, and tips in the comments. We’d love to hear what’s on your mind!

Self-love expert Christine Arylo is an inspirational catalyst who takes a fresh approach to redefining self-love for today’s woman as hip, hot and hers. As an author, speaker, and coach, Arylo is an expert at helping women to get the success and happiness they want by living and loving their most real and wise selves first. She is the author of Choosing ME Before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love (www.mebeforewe.com), the creator of the 20-day program, Create Fabulous Friendships, and the founder of the international Madly in Love with ME™ movement (www.madlyinlovewithme.com). She has appeared on national television and syndicated radio shows across the country, and her opinions have been featured in places like the San Francisco Chronicle, Glam.com and Daily Om.

Hey, girlfriends! We’re so excited to bring you this guest post from the dynamic Christine Arylo, self-love expert and developer of the Create Fabulous Friendships program. Christine wrote this article,  just for Girlfriend Celebrations readers. In it, she guides you through three questions to help you get clear on who you really want to call “girlfriend.” Look for part two on Monday!

by Christine Arylo

If you were asked, “What’s the biggest challenge you face to create the friendships you really want,” what would you say?

I’m going to let you in on a secret. Your biggest challenge is not time or the inability to meet new people. Your biggest challenge is you. You determine both the quantity and quality of your friendships based on who you are and how well you know who you want as a girlfriend, regardless of who’s in your circle today. Think about it. You wouldn’t consider dating or getting married without giving thought to who your mate is. Yet, even though we have close, intimate relationships with our girlfriends, we rarely give conscious thought to the kind of women they are. Instead, we choose friends by chance or duty, and with the busy lives we lead, you can’t afford to waste your friendtime on friendships based on obligation or on friendships that take more than they give.

If you’ve never stopped to ask yourself questions like, “What kind of women do I want in my life? Does my current circle of friends reflect the kind of energy I want to surround myself with?” chances are you are missing out on some great friendship opportunities, and spending too much energy on ones that don’t give you what you really want.

If you know who you want as a friend, you’re much more likely to attract that kind of person into your life. And she is much more likely to fit the life you are creating for yourself. So do yourself a favor, and take the time to get clear on who you really want to call girlfriend and why. Ask yourself the following questions using the action activities to get you crystal clear on your answers.

Questions For Creating Fabulous Friendships

QUESTION 1:  Why do I want friends?

It seems like a no-brainer question. Who doesn’t want friends, right? True, but this is a question worth answering because your response will tell you a lot about what you expect friendships to do for you. We all have different motivations, most of us just don’t know what they are.

Action: Play the Why Game. The game is simple. Keep asking yourself “Why” over and over again until you get to core of your motivation. Here’s how it works: Start by asking, “Why do I want friends?” Say you respond with, “To have people to hang out with.” Then ask, “Why do I… want people to hang out with?” Answer. Then again, ask “Why…” to the answer to that question. Repeat at least four times. And when you get your final answer, ask “Why is this important to me?”

QUESTION 2: Who are the women I want as friends (regardless of who I am friends with now?)

Paint a picture in your heart of the women you want as friends, as if you were Picasso. Don’t think about the women in your life today. Imagine the kind of women you want to make your life even better.

Action: Do a Friendship Visualization. Close your eyes and imagine yourself connected to the energy of this fantastic group of women you want to surround yourself with. Look closely into their eyes and paint a picture in your mind of who they are. Let yourself see them. Are these women self-empowered? Compassionate? Living their dreams? Or are they friends that revel in drama? Play small? Or take more than they give? Feeling into them, see them for who they truly are:

• What is important to them?
• What are their gifts?
• How do they live?
• Why is friendship important to them?

Action: Create Your Friendship Story. After you’ve visualized these women, write a full, juicy paragraph or two describing them… a story that when you read it back to yourself, connects deeply to your heart and soul. Don’t just blurt an answer out off the cuff, or create a long list of attributes. Go beyond the surface and into the essence of who these women are. Tell their story. It’s the difference between painting a Picasso and drafting a PowerPoint presentation. After you write it out, read it out loud and commit to drawing these women into your life.

Coming MONDAY: Part Two: The Four Friendship Rings  

Self-love expert Christine Arylo is an inspirational catalyst who takes a fresh approach to redefining self-love for today’s woman as hip, hot and hers. As an author, speaker, and coach, Arylo is an expert at helping women to get the success and happiness they want by living and loving their most real and wise selves first. She is the author of Choosing ME Before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love  (www.mebeforewe.com), the creator of the 20-day program, Create Fabulous Friendships, and the founder of the international Madly in Love with ME™ movement (www.madlyinlovewithme.com). She has appeared on national television and syndicated radio shows across the country, and her opinions have been featured in places like the San Francisco Chronicle, Glam.com and Daily Om.

Feedback, girlfriends? Leave it in the comments. We’d love to hear what’s on your mind!

With swimsuit season staring us in the face, we’ve been thinking a lot about fitness. Getting in shape is definitely one of those things that is better with a girlfriend. It’s so much easier to stick to a fitness regime when you have a partner to check in with, to cheer you on, even to commiserate with you. So, we girlfriends-in-chief have embarked on another little fitness quest together. This time, we’re working on our tummies! Read on for the details, as well as a few more easy suggestions for getting fit with a girlfriend. And, we’d love to hear your suggestions, as well!

You may remember a while back we did the Mama Mio Bootcamp for Butts, with good results. Well, our girlfriends at Mama Mio came out with a Bootcamp for Tummies and we were two of the first lucky ladies to try it out! First of all, we simply adore Mama Mio products. They smell heavenly, they are loaded with high- quality ingredients, they are smartly packaged, they are labeled with good humor,  and most importantly, they work! For the Bootcamp products, Mama Mio has teamed up with exercise specialists to create targeted, efficient exercises that you can realistically do in just minutes a day. (For the tummies bootcamp, maternal fitness expert Julie Tupler developed the exercises.) The tummy exercises are easy to do, and you can literally do them sitting down (in the car, at your computer, anywhere!) The rest of the regime consists of two skincare products: Tummy Toner Skin Tightener and Get Waisted Body Shaper—each of them a great product on its own. If your tummy is puffy, crepey, and mom-like, you will see a difference from using these products. We’re into about the third week of our bootcamp, and we both are seeing our waists look more whittled, and the look and texture of our skin has definitely improved! One important lesson we’ve learned from using Mama Mio products is that by paying attention to a body part and treating it nicely, you actually start to feel better about it! And when you feel good about yourself, you look good!

So, here’s our point: Doing this bootcamp together is much more motivating than doing it alone. We can check in with each other and say “Did you do your exercises today?” or “How’s your tummy doing?” It’s fun to hear each other’s progress and share in each other’s successes. If you are “stuck” in your fitness regime, we challenge you to call up a girlfriend and get her to be your fitness partner. Just give it a try for 30 days and see how much better fitness can be with a girlfriend!

We’re all about easy, quick, ways to fitness, so here are a couple of our other fave ways to get fit with girlfriends:

Wii Fit Club: Invite your girlfriends over to work out on your Wii together. Using Wii Fit or the new EA Sports Active for Wii, you can create indivdual profiles and track your progress together. Do you workouts at home, then get together once a week for a check-in and group workout.

Walking Group: Maybe it’s from reading the new novel Wildwater Walking Club, but we’re newly inspired to walk! Walking and talking is seriously good for the soul. Take to the sidewalks, hiking trails, or woodland paths with your girlfriends at a regular time. Invest in a pedometer and pledge to reach 10,000 steps a day. 

Your turn: Do you exercise with girlfriends? We’d love to hear how that is “working out” for you. Give your fingers a workout and tell us in the comments!