Can Men Be Girlfriends? Let us Hear From You!
- December 9th, 2008
Celebration Ideas
Good morning, girlfriends. We really enjoyed being interviewed this morning on the Mornings Show with Lorri and Larry on Family Net Sirius Satellite Radio! While we were extolling the virtues of female friendships, host Larry Estepa posed an interesting question: What about men? Aren’t their friendships of value to women? We have to admit, we didn’t quite know how to answer. After all, we’re experts on female friendship. So, we thought we’d throw the question to you: Can men and women really be friends? What are the differences between male-female and female-female friendships? Share your experiences, stories, opinions. Click the headline above to leave a comment. MEN – you are welcome to leave a comment too. And remember, girlfriends, you don’t have to use your real name, so spill it!
9 Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
In our new format you have to click the headline of the post, or jump, to get to the comments. Thanks!
Comment by Dawn — December 9, 2008 @ 9:15 am
Absolutely! In fact, one of my best friends is a guy. The great thing about having guy friends is that you never get any of the female-female competition stuff that we’re all used to. You can totally be yourself and seldom have to worry about being judged. Plus, most of the guys I’ve been friends with over the years are pretty straightforward and don’t generally have any kind of hidden agenda. That’s probably why most of my really good friends ARE men.
Comment by S — December 9, 2008 @ 10:22 am
Men and women can definitely really be friends–not girly-activity girlfriends with whom you shop for makeup and do facials, but definitely true-and-abiding friends (even if they’re often lousy at deconstructing the minutia of a relationship, conversation or action of another guy the way we gals can do).
I have one “best” girlfriend from the past 25 years, but all my other close friends are guys. They’re the kind who give men a good name, the “drive 30 miles in a snowstorm to help you when you get a flat tire” friends, the kinds who are good husbands and good fathers and who can be counted upon in good and bad times. One of these guys lives many states away and we’ve only seen each other once in the past decade, but we talk on the phone almost every day and is the first I think to call when I want to grouse or celebrate. Another is my anti-Will (he’s gay, and although together we’re SO Will & Grace, he’s just very un-Will) with whom I’ve been friends 20 years.
It’s much easier to turn an acquaintanceship with another woman into a friendship, but friendships with men actually require less nurturing and ongoing care and are less often plagued by drama. As the previous poster said, there’s generally no hidden agenda. Girlfriends are great, but guys definitely have a place in the pantheon of great friendships.
Comment by Julie Bestry — December 9, 2008 @ 11:11 am
I do think guys make great friends. When I was single they made up most of my circle. But after I married and had children, things changed. If I went out with my guy friends every week like I do my girlfriends, I think the gossip would start flying. I think there is a line in society which is watched when you are in a relationship. I don’t know that I would be comfortable with my husband going out with the girls every week. I don’t even know that my guy friends would want to hear about tales of my children, or my dealings with the pta. I think that our lives are so far from each other now, it is a bit awkward. I think at one point in my life there was a place for men friends. In the end though, I feel that the women are the ones that we can develop closer bonds with since we have more in common, they tend to listen more closely, and if I saw them every day of the week-society wouldn’t question my motives.
Comment by Sarah Wile — December 9, 2008 @ 12:21 pm
Thanks S, Julie, Sarah, for your thoughtful comments. I tend to fall in with Sarah–I think it’s very difficult, once you’re in a “married with children” circle, to have men friends. It makes me sad because I did have some very important men friends at times in my life. But I agree that there are lines drawn in society that can’t be comfortably crossed. I would love to hear from some men on this topic–for once, we’re inviting you fellas to post here on GirlfriendCelebrations.com, so have at it!
Comment by Dawn — December 9, 2008 @ 7:38 pm
I love the perspectives and aspects of female friendships and I enjoy time of laughter, listening and support from a woman’s heart. I do have to admit though, I do have many male friends and often times I just prefer a man’s energy — less drama, less emotional, very matter of fact, less analyzing … sorry for the generalization, but sometimes I feel like I can relate more to a male as far as my view on things. I also think I am this way because I have a brother, not a sister! I actually need to work at being a “better” girlfriend because a balance of both is ideal.
Comment by melissa — December 10, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
I also just want to “ditto” what Julie Bestry wrote! I totally agree!
Comment by melissa — December 10, 2008 @ 2:06 pm
Wow, I really feel vindicated! And thanks, Dawn and Tina, for posing the question to your bloggers. As I told you on the show, I have…and always have had…wonderful, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, insightful, honest (thankfully to the point of being blunt when necessary) female friends. As Melissa said, men tend to be less dramatic…see things and issues in a more literal fashion. And as “S” said, with no fear of female competition. But the relationship dynamic also tends to foster a better understanding since men and women do interpret things differently. A man’s reaction is far less likely to specious or rebarbative. As H.G. Wells said,
“moral indignation is jealousy with a halo”.
Enjoyed having you on the show and we’ll do it, again, sometime.
Best,
Larry Estepa co-host of “Mornings” on Sirius 161
and FamilyNet TV (check cable listing)
Comment by Larry — December 12, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
It is true men and women can be friends, Although, I believe it is in the timing of when the relationship develops… I had friends in college that were men that I am still freinds with. Although now that I am married, the male friends I have are married and the friendship is with both. I enjoy the company of my girlfriends, but I also like the friendships and the dynamics of being social with men.
Comment by Margaret — December 31, 2008 @ 9:29 am