Big life events call for big celebrations, and who better to celebrate with than our girlfriends? Women are well-versed at celebrating milestones. Most of us can throw a baby shower or plan a wedding shower with our eyes closed. But when life throws you a curve, you need a new twist on the traditional girlfriend celebrations. For example: The Stepmom Shower! Izzy Rose, author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom shares how to throw one in this post, written especially for GirlfriendCelebrations. Izzy’s not a wicked stepmother, but she does have a wicked sense of humor, so enjoy, girlfriends!

by Izzy Rose

Single gals—have you noticed that the dating pool has changed recently? There’s a new ripple in it: Many of the eligible bachelors out there are hardly single. They come with small versions of themselves and an ex-wife! If you have a girlfriend who has recently taken the marital plunge and surfaced with a man plus kids, celebrate this life transition by throwing her a Stepmom Shower: an afternoon of girlfriend adoration and indulgence! Unlike the traditional baby shower where mama-to-be receives gifts for the survival of the newborn, the stepmom shower honors the grown woman, similarly thrust into an unknown world, just as naïve and in need of care. Because our girlfriends know best how to comfort us in times of uncertainty and stress, the Stepmom Shower celebrates female friendship, good humor and applauds the bravery required to plug into a family that existed long before you came along.

The setting

The “celebrated” shows up to the location of her choosing (shooting range, ice arena, wine bar, poolside cabana) in her wedding dress. (I don’t know about you, but I’ve just been waiting for an excuse to put on my Cinderella gown on again.) All attending ladies are asked to wear a retired bridesmaid dress.

Food and drink

What your girlfriend needs is some good, old-fashioned nurturing … not a low calorie meal! I suggest you ditch the healthy crudités, bust out the butter cookies and turn on the martini fountain.

The gifts

Give her something she will really appreciate, and use. A single gal turned insta-mom to half-grown kids has no need for bum powder and babydoll socks. If your girlfriend is going to survive stepmotherhood, she must remember to take care of herself. Here are a few of my favorite stepmom shower gifts:

A case (or box) of wine

1 pound of French cheese (crackers included)

90-minute massage

Xanax sampler pack

New lipsticks

Games

It wouldn’t be a shower without a competitive game, now would it? Since all of you will be in wedding attire that screams to be shown off, create a makeshift runway in the house (long hallways are perfect), turn on Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive,” and take turns walking the runway of America’s Next Top Mama.

The guest of honor will judge all participants and choose one winner based on the following criteria:
Attitude (Turn up the sass!)

Design (Ruffles, bows and lace! Who combines them all?)

Color (Go bold! Turquoise and electric pink are guaranteed crowd-pleasers.)

For a prize, consider a copy of my book, The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom.

Izzy Rose is the author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom, and is the founder of www.stepmothersmilk.com, a humorous blog and resource site for the modern-day stepmom. She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and his two sons.

The 50th birthday is pivotal in a woman’s life. And, judging from the mail we receive, it is not just a milestone that means we’re approaching midlife. Something about hitting the 50 mark also makes us feel reflective, appreciative, and generous toward our female friends! Our reader Erin wrote to us recently seeking input on her upcoming 50th Birthday Celebration. We’ve rounded up some tips for her, which you can read after the jump. But we’d also love to hear from you, and we’re sure Erin would as well. What makes a 50th birthday celebration great?

Erin wrote to us:

“I want [my birthday] to be a celebration of girlfriends who have had a positive influence in my life.

1. I want to do a Sunday brunch at my home.

2. I want to give a small ‘my favorite things’ basket  to each guest. I would like to know if you have any other suggestions for entertainment, simple games, perhaps invitations.”

We immediately thought of another reader, Diane, who had a 50th Birthday “potlatch” for her friends, in which she showered her friends with gifts on HER birthday! She said, “Rather than the focus being me, I want the focus to be on the richness my friends have brought to my life over the years.” We really like this spirit of showing appreciation to the girlfriends who love us for us. After all, we wouldn’t be who we are at 50 without them! We gave Diane detailed suggestions for games, party favors, and activities including:

-Planning an ice breaker based on guests’ knowledge of the birthday girl to help them get to know each other

-Having guests create something together (such as a collaborative piece of artwork) or compete on a creative project to get the energy flowing at your party.

-Hiring a photographer for the event, or at least capture a group photo that can be used later for souvenirs of the big day.

-Pampering yourselves with spa treatments, wine tasting, chocolate sampling, or another fun activity.

See all those recommendations here.

In addition, our “Girlfriend Birthday Bash” article gives tips for theming a birthday party around the decade of the guest of honor’s birth. It’s an easy and fun way to tie together music, food, and decorations. You’ll find creative invitation ideas, activities and favors in that article as well.

So, ladies, what is it about turning 50 that makes a women want to celebrate her girlfriends? Those of you who have been there: Let us hear from you! How did you spend your 50th birthday? Let’s all wish Erin a Happy Birthday in advance, and give her our best advice to make her milestone birthday magnificent!

Image by SadieLouWho via Flickr

No, it was *not* a baby shower. Just a little luncheon for our girlfriend Siobhainn, pregnant with her 3rd. She adamantly refused a baby shower, but that didn’t stop us from pampering her in other ways! Readers often ask us for non-traditional baby shower ideas, and our Birth Day Party article provides a great shower focused on the mama-to-be.

The gorgeous guest of honor

Here is another, low-key approach to honoring your girlfriend and the coming baby. At our luncheon, guests were asked not to bring baby gifts, at our friend’s request. Instead, they contributed a small amount toward a salon gift certificate that the mom-to-be can use for a pedicure or facial at her leisure.

In addition, we filled a piggy bank with “wishes of good fortune” addressed to the new baby. Siobhainn can read the wishes to the child when he (or she) is older. (She didn’t want to read them at the party, fearing she would flood us with tears!) We also had our girlfriends sign up to bring meals after the baby is born. Now Siobhainn can expect dinner brought to her door at least twice a week for 4 to 6 weeks–a huge help when juggling a newborn and two school-age kids. Last but definitely not least, our girlfriend Margaret (cooking goddess) lovingly prepared the food–finger sandwiches, scones with clotted cream, fruit skewers, lemon tarts, brownies, punch, and more. Margaret’s food is always to die for–let’s just say you never want to decline an invitation at her house! So, in the end, the guest of honor was touched, the friends ate well and everyone enjoyed a lovely “ladies who lunch” event while expressing their excitement over a brand new baby-to-be. It was so worth the effort! Girlfriends, considering showering your friends–no matter what the occasion–with a special get-together this month.

Hello, girlfriends! We just received a very touching comment from our reader Helen Werme, and we’d like your help in responding to her:”…Our girl friend passed away and I wondered if any of you have ever had a celebration of life? Our friend has only seven of us Red Hat Ladies and we are planning to rent a pontoon boat and take her ashes and her husband’s and pet’s ashes out to sea as she wished. That is fine but what else could you suggest we do? We have written a poem and have a frame with pictures of our events with her, but need something more. Thanks for your help if you have any suggestions. –Queen Mom Helen”

What dear friends you are! Your girlfriend was fortunate to have such devoted pals. Thank you for writing to us, Helen, because female friendships like yours are the inspiration for our work. A Celebration of Life is something we do intend to cover on our site, but we haven’t formally done so yet. In addition to the ideas you already have, which are lovely, we can suggest the following ways to honor your friend and nurture yourselves as well :

• Reflect the personality of your friend by sharing drinks/snacks/food that she would have enjoyed. Make one of her “famous” recipes.
• Sit in a circle and talk about how she touched each of your lives, the things that you will miss, and memories.  Sharing these things will reinforce the importance of her life in your hearts and minds.  If you’re not sure what to talk about, try to finish one of these sentences:  “I’ll never forget when…”,  “Do you remember her…”, “I didn’t get to tell her…” “The first time we met was…”,  “She was great at…”,  “She always told me…”, “She always wanted to…”, “Together, we…”.
• It would be fitting to honor her with a moment of silent thought and reflection.
• Ask each person to verbally give a tribute or farewell to her before releasing the ashes or write down your sentiments and place them in a corked bottle to toss overboard. Also in the bottle you could include items that have a special significance to her – a purple feather or that ruby red lipstick she didn’t go without. Afterwards have each friend toss a red or purple flower in the sea to signify your personal farewell to her.
• Keep memories alive with a special project you can do in honor of your friend. Plant a public garden or tree each year; have an annual garage sale and donate the proceeds to a charity in her honor; repurpose some of her clothing to make patchwork quilts for the needy or less fortunate.
• Whatever you decide to do, remember to respect the feelings of all present as you honor your friend. Everyone grieves differently, and not everyone may want to participate in every part of the remembrance. Create an atmosphere of love and friendship, and you can’t go wrong celebrating the life of your friend.

And now we’d like to hear from you, girlfriends! Please use the comment form below to contribute your ideas for celebrating the life of a dear girlfriend. As always, we’re looking forward to your thoughtful replies.

So, you’re not hip on traditional baby showers, but still want to plan something special for your girlfriend who’s expecting? Why not plan a Birth Day Party–a shower designed around the needs of your friend and the day of delivery. This party is ideal for mothers who aren’t having their first child, or who have already had a traditional shower. It’s also perfect for those who can’t stand the thought of one more silly baby shower game. By turning the focus on the new mother, you can add comfort to her days and nurture her with loving support. Here’s how:

The setting

Showers are traditionally held in homes or in fancy halls. Either would be fine for this party too. But remember, this is an un-shower. So, think about where your girlfriend feels most comfortable. Outdoors in nature? In a coffee shop? Nightclub? Consider her personality and try to make the day about her.

The invitations

Presentsofmind.com has a great custom invitation idea that lets you use a picture of your pregnant girlfriend. Look for the “Oh Baby” invitation. If you choose to make your own invitation, we still like the idea of focusing on your girlfriend and honoring the changes she is going through.

Food and drink

Well of course, you’ll need to think about her favorite foods. Give the woman what she wants! It will be the last time for a long while that anyone will make a fuss over her, so try to get it right.

Don’t forget the Birth Day cake…and it had better be chocolate if your girlfriend is anything like ours!

The gifts

Instead of bringing gifts for the baby, ask each guest to bring a gift to make the days around delivery a little easier. These might include: A comfy robe and a pair of slippers to relax in (check out this one), pretty nursing pajamas, a stash of magazines to pass the time in the hospital, snack food for her cravings, music to help her unwind, a good luck charm or a symbol of the occasion (like this necklace from babystyle). For some ready-made gifts (or just ideas to steal), see this New Mother Comfort Kit, Birth and Beyond Delivery Kit, or Essential Labor Comfort Kit.

Girlfriends who would rather give of themselves can make gift certificates for hours of baby-sitting, dinners to deliver, or house cleaning.

Nurturing activities

• At the party, have available small slips of decorative paper for each guest to write their thoughts on motherhood or best parenting advice. You may want to have each guest read their advice aloud, or just pass around the slips so that everyone can see the words of wisdom. After the shower, tuck the slips of paper inside a photo album with a picture of each guest; they will make wonderful memories for the mother-to-be.
• For a twist, have each guest complete the following sentence, written to the unborn child: “I know your mother was excited about your birth because_____________.” The answers can be read aloud, and then put inside a penny bank to be opened by the child on his or her 5th birthday. This makes a great “time capsule” and is a great way to include the child.
• Before everyone leaves, have them sign up for a date to bring your girlfriend a meal after the baby arrives.

Party favors

What better way to celebrate the new life growing inside your friend than with a tiny plant or seed packet, wrapped up with a bow in a small, pretty pot? You might try to find baby’s breath or sweet pea plants or seeds to keep the theme going.

Have a wonderful day celebrating your friend’s big event! What a good friend you are. She is lucky to have you. Let us know how it turns out!