Do you have a circle of girlfriends, or just wish you did? For many women, having a “circle of friends” is still a dream. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, explores the “circle” concept and offers her expert advice on how to grow your girlfriend circle. We’re honored to have her guest post, written just for GirlfriendCelebrations. Find out how to win a copy of Irene’s book below!

By Irene S. Levine, PhD (aka The Friendship Doctor)

The idea of a “circle of friends” isn’t new. Beginning in the late 1800s, Amish women formed quilting circles to share expertise and companionship. After they had finished individual patches for a quilt, they would come together (sometimes travelling over relatively long distances) during the spring and summer to lend a hand to one another in piecing them together. The quilters socialized as they sewed, catching up on gossip and developing long-lasting bonds that became part of the fabric of the Amish culture.

The desire to have an embracing circle of female friends hasn’t diminished but still remains elusive for many women. When I interviewed Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship, which chronicles the story of an exceptional friendship among 11 women that has extended over four decades, he told me two types of readers had written him: those who have a circle of friends similar to the “Girls” and those who wish they did! It’s easy to understand why many women without a tight-knit circle of friends would covet one for companionship, support and comfort they offer.

But as women graduate, marry, mother, divorce, move, or change work, often not even in any particular order, their lives often diverge and they find it difficult to maintain old friendships, let alone friendship circles. The girlfriends someone made in elementary and high school may live in other states or other nations. (One study of college students, found that the average student moved more than six times over the course of 19 years, and that the average distance between friends was 895 miles).  Your co-workers are more likely to hop from job to job than ever before, or decide to change their career paths entirely.

Don’t get me wrong. Not every woman wants or needs a circle. In my survey of more than 1500 women for my new book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, I found that certain personality factors may predispose some women to gravitate towards circles as opposed to one-on-one relationships. For example, compared to introverts, extroverts often enjoy having a larger number of friendships and may be more likely to relish the dynamics of a group. Or they may so thrive on being with people, that they like being part of circles as well as being part of twosomes.

If you are a person who feels even a tinge of circle envy, and there are many reasons why you would, there are still opportunities to forge a sisterhood later in life. One of the keys to creating a circle is creating or finding some natural affinity group that has the potential for longevity and creating rituals to bind the ties of friendship.

The Friendship Doctor’s Prescription for Circle Envy

• Join a knitting group, sewing circle, book club or cooking club;
• Organize a regular canasta, bridge, Bunco, Scrabble or mah-jongg game;
• Volunteer as part of a smaller group attached to a larger religious or civic organization;
• Volunteer at a museum or hospital;
• Become part of a church or faith-based community;
• Adopt a cause, such as conservation or animal welfare, or a political action group
• Join a support group of women who share a common problem
• [Editor's Note: One more suggestion: Look into Girlfriend Circles, a service that introduces you to potential friends in your area.]

With any luck, you will form natural ties within the group, Then, you can figure out ways to strengthen them at GirlfriendCelebrations!

Irene S. Levine, PhD is an award-winning freelance journalist and author who is trained as a psychologist. She blogs about female friendships on The Huffington Post and on The Friendship Blog. Her book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, was just published by Overlook Press. She is also a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine.

Now For the Giveaway!

When we first heard that Irene Levine was writing Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, we were a little dismayed. After all, friendship breakups are no fun. But now that Irene’s book has hit bookstores and we’ve read our copy cover to cover, we can truly say: This book should be on the bookshelf of every woman who cares about female friendship. Not only is it filled with the kind of smart advice Irene dispenses regularly on The Friendship Blog, it is warm, comforting and takes the shame out of losing a friendship. This book can help you come to terms with the friendships you have lost (and we’ve ALL lost girlfriends and wondered why) and give you hope for new friendships to come. It’s easy to read, and contains loads of scannable advice for us short-attention-span gals. Just read it! We’re giving away TWO COPIES of this fabulous book, courtesy of Irene Levine! To enter, simply:

1. Leave a comment on this post stating why you want the book, AND/OR

2. Re-tweet this contest using the hashtag #GirlfriendCelebrations and this link: http://bit.ly/32ugH4

Two winners will be chosen at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Thursday, September 24, 2009. Winner must have a U.S. shipping address. Good luck! Read the rest of this entry »

Hey y’all: Getaway Girl™ Casey Wohl is back and she’s “keeping it weird” in Austin, Texas. Her nicely detailed account gives you plenty of ideas for the perfect fall girlfriend getaway. We are so ready to go! Enjoy!

by Casey Wohl

My friend Ali and I had a fantastic time in Austin, Texas. We arrived on a Thursday and were greeted by Ashley, who drove us to the 405-acre Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort & Spa, which is 20 miles away from downtown Austin and used to be a pecan orchard.

With 492 guest rooms, most with private balcony or patio, the resort brings jeans and business suits together in a comfortable ranch-style setting. Activities here are endless, from Spa Django to the Renegade Equestrian Center to the Wolfdancer Golf Club, as well as hiking in McKinney Roughs Nature Park, white water rafting on the Colorado River, and fun-in-the-sun at the Crooked River Water Park. We enjoyed massages and an amazing dinner at Stories Restaurant that included five courses and items such as scallops, lobster, venison, quail and filet mignon. It was wonderful!
The next morning, we headed back to town to our host hotel, The Driskill Hotel. Built in 1886 as a cattle barron’s showplace, The Driskill is located in downtown Austin with 189 guestrooms and suites distributed between the original Historic Wing and the Traditional Wing, which was added in 1929. No detail is forgotten inside or out as the hotel features a very ornate exterior complete with flags out front, a beautiful columned lobby; original art, oil paintings, and precious antiques; ornate beds designed exclusively for the hotel; marble floors and stained-glass dome. The Driskill has hosted celebs such as Dennis Quaid and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Singer Jewel filmed her latest video here and both Lance Armstrong and President George W. Bush held press conferences here. Read the rest of this entry »

Big life events call for big celebrations, and who better to celebrate with than our girlfriends? Women are well-versed at celebrating milestones. Most of us can throw a baby shower or plan a wedding shower with our eyes closed. But when life throws you a curve, you need a new twist on the traditional girlfriend celebrations. For example: The Stepmom Shower! Izzy Rose, author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom shares how to throw one in this post, written especially for GirlfriendCelebrations. Izzy’s not a wicked stepmother, but she does have a wicked sense of humor, so enjoy, girlfriends!

by Izzy Rose

Single gals—have you noticed that the dating pool has changed recently? There’s a new ripple in it: Many of the eligible bachelors out there are hardly single. They come with small versions of themselves and an ex-wife! If you have a girlfriend who has recently taken the marital plunge and surfaced with a man plus kids, celebrate this life transition by throwing her a Stepmom Shower: an afternoon of girlfriend adoration and indulgence! Unlike the traditional baby shower where mama-to-be receives gifts for the survival of the newborn, the stepmom shower honors the grown woman, similarly thrust into an unknown world, just as naïve and in need of care. Because our girlfriends know best how to comfort us in times of uncertainty and stress, the Stepmom Shower celebrates female friendship, good humor and applauds the bravery required to plug into a family that existed long before you came along.

The setting

The “celebrated” shows up to the location of her choosing (shooting range, ice arena, wine bar, poolside cabana) in her wedding dress. (I don’t know about you, but I’ve just been waiting for an excuse to put on my Cinderella gown on again.) All attending ladies are asked to wear a retired bridesmaid dress.

Food and drink

What your girlfriend needs is some good, old-fashioned nurturing … not a low calorie meal! I suggest you ditch the healthy crudités, bust out the butter cookies and turn on the martini fountain.

The gifts

Give her something she will really appreciate, and use. A single gal turned insta-mom to half-grown kids has no need for bum powder and babydoll socks. If your girlfriend is going to survive stepmotherhood, she must remember to take care of herself. Here are a few of my favorite stepmom shower gifts:

A case (or box) of wine

1 pound of French cheese (crackers included)

90-minute massage

Xanax sampler pack

New lipsticks

Games

It wouldn’t be a shower without a competitive game, now would it? Since all of you will be in wedding attire that screams to be shown off, create a makeshift runway in the house (long hallways are perfect), turn on Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive,” and take turns walking the runway of America’s Next Top Mama.

The guest of honor will judge all participants and choose one winner based on the following criteria:
Attitude (Turn up the sass!)

Design (Ruffles, bows and lace! Who combines them all?)

Color (Go bold! Turquoise and electric pink are guaranteed crowd-pleasers.)

For a prize, consider a copy of my book, The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom.

Izzy Rose is the author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom, and is the founder of www.stepmothersmilk.com, a humorous blog and resource site for the modern-day stepmom. She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and his two sons. Read the rest of this entry »

Swimsuit season not going the way you planned? Enlist the partnership of a girlfriend to help you eat right and get to the size you want! Kami Gray, author of The Denim Diet: Sixteen Simple Habits to Get You into Your Dream Pair of Jeans, wrote this post just for Girlfriend Celebrations, revealing the healthy eating secrets she shares with her best friend. As we know, everything’s better with a girlfriend, and eating right is no exception. Enjoy!

Read the rest of this entry »

In Part 1, Christine Arylo helped us define the kinds of friends we would like to have. In part two, she takes it a step further by identifying four friendship rings and the expectations we should have for each. 

By Christine Arylo

Not all girlfriends are the same – we have different friends for different reasons. Some are closer than others… some you connect with because of work or shared interests, or because you’ve known each other for years. When you understand the different levels of friendships, a.k.a. your Friendship Rings, you’re empowered to ask for and get what you need from every friend. Unknown, unmet and unexpressed, expectations are one of the major causes of friendships failure.

Action: Define your expectations for each Friendship Ring. On a piece of paper, draw a set of four concentric circles, one for each ring. Then list your expectations for each. Your expectations should differ depending on the type of friendship.

 Soul Sisters: Your closest circle. You share your lives.

 You may all have different mothers but these women are your heart and soul. They’re here for you in the best and worst of times. You can expect that they will pick up the phone when you call at 2 a.m. with a broken heart; that you can share all of yourself with them—the good and the ugly—and they will love you anyway; and that you can be completely honest about your feelings, even when you’re angry, and that they will listen and work with you to create an even deeper friendship.

Good Time Gals. You have fun with these girls. You share a good time.

You chat. You laugh. You never go too deep. You can expect that they will invite you to do things with you and accept the invitations you give; that they follow through on what they say they are going to do; and that when you’re together you can share what’s going on in your life and get some good advice, but nothing too deep.

Affectionate Aficionados. You work at the same company, belong to the same club, or run in the same social circles, but that’s as far as it goes. You share common interests.

You can expect that you will have a good time when you are together; that you will share your enthusiasm for your common interest but maybe not much more; and that they add good energy to your life, not suck it away or create drama. You can also expect that when that common interests shifts, you may no longer stay friends.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, girlfriends! We’re so excited to bring you this guest post from the dynamic Christine Arylo, self-love expert and developer of the Create Fabulous Friendships program. Christine wrote this article,  just for Girlfriend Celebrations readers. In it, she guides you through three questions to help you get clear on who you really want to call “girlfriend.” Look for part two on Monday!

by Christine Arylo

If you were asked, “What’s the biggest challenge you face to create the friendships you really want,” what would you say?

I’m going to let you in on a secret. Your biggest challenge is not time or the inability to meet new people. Your biggest challenge is you. You determine both the quantity and quality of your friendships based on who you are and how well you know who you want as a girlfriend, regardless of who’s in your circle today. Think about it. You wouldn’t consider dating or getting married without giving thought to who your mate is. Yet, even though we have close, intimate relationships with our girlfriends, we rarely give conscious thought to the kind of women they are. Instead, we choose friends by chance or duty, and with the busy lives we lead, you can’t afford to waste your friendtime on friendships based on obligation or on friendships that take more than they give.

If you’ve never stopped to ask yourself questions like, “What kind of women do I want in my life? Does my current circle of friends reflect the kind of energy I want to surround myself with?” chances are you are missing out on some great friendship opportunities, and spending too much energy on ones that don’t give you what you really want.

If you know who you want as a friend, you’re much more likely to attract that kind of person into your life. And she is much more likely to fit the life you are creating for yourself. So do yourself a favor, and take the time to get clear on who you really want to call girlfriend and why. Ask yourself the following questions using the action activities to get you crystal clear on your answers.

Questions For Creating Fabulous Friendships

QUESTION 1:  Why do I want friends?

It seems like a no-brainer question. Who doesn’t want friends, right? True, but this is a question worth answering because your response will tell you a lot about what you expect friendships to do for you. We all have different motivations, most of us just don’t know what they are.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a quintessential summer experience for U.S. girlfriends: The Hamptons! Read on for Casey Wohl’s report about this perfect girlfriend getaway and then plan your own.

by Casey Wohl

I was so excited about our Girls Getaway to the Hamptons that I could barely sleep the night before.  We were going for Memorial Day weekend, which is “opening” weekend of summer vacation for the Hampton-ites.  I had heard so much about this great place…the celebrities, huge vacation homes, and summer beach parties galore!  The Hamptons refers specifically to the towns of Southampton and East Hampton on the South Fork, Suffolk County, New York. This strip of Atlantic coast on Long Island’s eastern end has long been a favorite summer escape for city residents. I was meeting my friend Liz and her girlfriends from Miami.  I knew this would be a very “festive” trip since most of the girls were single.   
 
We arrived in the Hamptons Friday night and ventured to our first stop, a bar/night club called DUNE (while very unassuming from the outside, the place was filled with people starting the holiday weekend). We had a great Girls Night Out (GNO) and decided that what happens in the Hamptons, stays in the Hamptons…On Saturday, we took a taxi to the Southampton Village. We ate lunch at 75 Main (www.75Main.com), along Main Street, and then browsed the shops along Main Street and Jobs Lane. This is a quaint shopping area with unique boutiques and outdoor seating at several restaurants and a great place to spend the day with your girlfriends. We discovered a fabulous designer consignment store, Collette (www.ColletteConsignment.com). She has several clothing and home decor consignment stores in Southampton, East Hampton, Sag Harbor, and Bridgehampton. On Saturday night, we attended the Social Life Magazine (www.SocialLifeMagazine.com Party. There were several reality stars there, including Whitney Port from MTV’s The Hills and Alex McCord from Bravo’s The Real Housewives of New York City.  Champagne, martinis and delicious appetizers were served to the “Who’s Who” of the Hamptons. We had a great time, especially when Liz borrowed Gerard’s flute to play a tune for everyone there. Good times! 

Read the rest of this entry »

[Need an exotic getaway that's simple to pull off? Getaway Girl® Casey Wohl is back with a tantalizing account of her trip to Puerto Rico. After reading this, you'll want to give it a try too!]

By Casey Wohl

For a summer Girls Getaway, my girlfriend and I decided to experience Puerto Rico.  With great air deals from the U.S. mainland, this English-speaking country requires no passport and you don’t have to worry about exchanging currency. We arrived in Puerto Rico late Friday night, so we were thrilled to wake up Saturday morning to an awesome view of the pool and beach from our room at the Marriott San Juan Resort & Stellaris Casino (www.Marriott.com/San-Juan). After a few hours of beach and pool time, we made our way to the spa for afternoon massages.  After a few unsuccessful attempts at the slot machines, we headed to Old San Juan for the Sofo Culinary Festival. The streets were packed with people sampling delicious cuisine, festive cocktails and enjoying live music and street performers.

We made our way to a restaurant called Marmalade (www.MarmaladePR.com), which is located on Fortaleza Street. We ordered a Pomegranate Martini and a Mojito, as well as Paella Bytes, Baby Field Greens with Honey Passion Fruit Vinaigrette, Tiny White Bean Soup with Black Truffle Oil, and Ceviche. Everything was absolutely amazing! I now have a new favorite restaurant. This place is a “must-visit” during your time in Puerto Rico.  Chef Peter Schintler, originally from Iowa, has been all over the world studying and preparing amazing food. He currently brings his extraordinary flair for exquisite and creative cuisine to Old San Juan. Thank you for one of my favorite meals to date. Many thanks to Rob for his impeccable service and wonderful recommendations.

With chef Peter

[When we need friendship advice, we know exactly where to go! We're proud to have a guest post today by Huffington Post blogger, author and friendship expert Irene Levine. You'll find her thoughtful answers to girlfriend friendship dilemmas on her friendship blog. Today, she tells us how to be better girlfriends by pointing out five common stumbling blocks on the road to girlfriend bliss.] 

By Irene S. Levine, PhD