Often on GirlfriendCelebrations, we bring you ideas for combining girls night and charity. So we were delighted when Kimberly Wilson offered to share her very own “recipe” for a Charitea Soiree. Kimberly is a teacher, writer, do-gooder, entrepreneur, and eco-fashion designer. She is the creative director and founder of Tranquil Space, named among the top 25 yoga studios in the world by Travel + Leisure, author of Hip Tranquil Chick: A Guide to Life On and Off the Yoga Mat and Tranquilista: Mastering the Art of Enlightened Work and Mindful Play, and holds a Masters in Womens Studies. When not bookstore browsing, she can be found sipping tea, crafting new designs for TranquiliT, or leading retreats. Her work has been featured on Martha Stewart Living Radio as well as in Daily Candy, Fit Yoga, U.S. News and various books. With a passion for do-gooding, Kimberly launched Tranquil Space Foundation to bring yoga, creativity, and leadership to women and girls and is currently pursuing a Masters in Social Work.

by Kimberly Wilson

One way to raise awareness (and funds or goods) for your favorite cause is by throwing a flair-filled fete. Who doesn’t love parties? In my first book I touched on this concept and even created a downloadable tool kit to assist readers in bringing this idea to reality. Many good things start small and gain momentum through grassroots efforts. Good old-fashioned tea parties combined with activism can be a powerful and fun tool for change. A ChariTea soiree helps build community and is a great networking experience. Invite five to fifteen people and ask each to bring like-minded friends: Perfect for getting your name out there as the do-gooding “hostess with the mostess.”

Here’s the skinny: Hosting the soiree in your home allows you to create the complete vibe. If that isn’t possible, look around for a cozy local café that has the same ambience you want to create. Following is the time line for pulling this off seamlessly and tranquilly.

Timeline

Four Weeks Before
-Determine charity to highlight, and request promotional materials.
-Send invites to your fave gal pals and encourage them to bring two to three friends.
-Invite a guest speaker from the charity.

One Week Before
-Send reminder and directions.
-Buy dry goods: drinks, treats, and candles, plus assorted teacups, saucers, and cloth cocktail napkins from your local thrift store.
-Purchase goodie bags and their contents: a box of organic fair trade tea, organic fair trade chocolate, scented tea lights, bath treats, promotional materials from charity, tissue paper.

One or Two Days Before
-Buy fresh food.
-Create a playlist to set the mood (suggested: Madeleine Peyroux or John Coltrane).
-Buy flowers.
-Put together goodie bags.

Day of Event
-Tidy your surroundings.
-Prepare food.
-Set mood: light candles, arrange flowers, play the perfect music for your vibe.
-Set up a treat and libation station.
-Indulge in a restorative yoga pose prior to guests’ arrival.
-Don your most fabulous and comfy ensemble.

At Soiree
-Be the hostess with the mostess: Greet and introduce guests warmly, keep drinks and laughter flowing.
-Introduce speaker from charity.

Day After Event
Send thank-you notes to guests, speakers, and helpers via snail mail.

Tea and Tasty Treats

Here’s my suggested menu:

-Cucumber-mint and goat cheese-watercress tea sandwiches
-Lemon cream scones
-Cookies (butter and/or ginger are lovely tea accents)
-Fresh fruit selection (assorted berries, green apples, pears)
-Tea selection

About tea brewing: An intoxicating brew of tea is essential. Begin with fresh, cold water, and heat it in a kettle on the stove. Prewarm the teapot by rinsing with hot water; a ceramic teapot provides the best heat and flavor. Measure one heaping teaspoon of loose-leaf tea per cup and add to the teapot. If using tea bags, count on one bag for each teacup. Remove the kettle from the heat when it has reached the just-boiling point, and pour immediately into the teapot. Cover the pot with a lid, and brew the tea for three to five minutes before pouring. The larger the tea leaves, the longer the brewing time. Remove the leaves or bags from the brewed tea to prevent bitterness. Serve with raw sugar, honey, or agave nectar. Serve a variety of fair trade and organic green, white, and herbal teas, from chamomile to jasmine to chai. The Republic of Tea, Tulsi Tea, and Gypsy Tea have a plethora of tasty organic options.
—
Kimberly lives in a petite pink palace in Washington, D.C. with two fancy felines named after French impressionists, a supportive beau, and a sassy black pug. Indulge in musings on tranquilology through her blog and podcast, Tranquility du Jour. Learn more at kimberlywilson.com. For more ideas on divine do-gooding and entertaining with style, pick up a copy of Kimberly Wilson’s book, Tranquilista.

]]> http://www.girlfriendcelebrations.com/celebration-ideas/throw-a-charitea-soiree-for-your-next-girls-night-in/feed/ 2 http://www.girlfriendcelebrations.com/inspiration/wisdom-for-the-ages-from-a-mom-and-model/ http://www.girlfriendcelebrations.com/inspiration/wisdom-for-the-ages-from-a-mom-and-model/#comments Sat, 08 May 2010 12:46:56 +0000 Dawn http://www.girlfriendcelebrations.com/?p=1641

How do you live a long, healthy, happy, adventure-filled life? More to the point, how do you stay young when your years say you are old?  ”Learn your life-lessons along the way so they don’t need to keep being repeated, ” says Valerie Ramsey, author of Gracefully : Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age (2008, McGraw Hill). It was no surprise to us that “Get Girlfriends for Life” is one of those very important lessons, but we thought you’d enjoy hearing the rest of what Valerie, a mother, grandmother, executive and runway and print model, has to say. We truly enjoyed the positivity of her book, which reveals her secrets for how to nurture your health, stay positive, and look and feel your best, at any age. She encourages her readers to look forward to all the years that lay ahead, and gives particularly helpful advice on transitioning through life’s stages. It definitely is apropos for a Mother’s Day read – or a great gift for your mom! Valerie was kind enough to share her “Wisdom for the ages” with GirlfriendCelebrations. Read on to find out the best time to make girlfriends, according to her:

Women’s Life-Lessons from 30 to 70 with Author Valerie Ramsey

The 30’s: Underschedule Yourself: “The Thirties are the decade where you can do it all, look your best, excel at a career, marry the man of your dreams, have children, etc…and consequently, women in their 30s are usually exhausted trying to do it all. When activities are lined up endlessly, we must race through them like an athlete running the hurdles in a track-and-field competition. Jump, sprint, jump, sprint, jump..in contrast, having time and space-even the smallest amount, as long as it is allotted consciously-around activities invites us to savor, absorb, and actually experience them. Pauses allow your spirit to catch up with your body. While there are a few women who seem to thrive in overdrive, the majority of us run the risk of depleting our immune systems, draining our emotional reserves, and fraying our nerves if we run too fast too long. When my 6 children were all very young when I was in my thirties, I had two rituals that saved my sanity and were my downtime: During nap time, or when the children were in school, I would avoid the temptation to fold laundry or do any sort of housework and instead would just take a time out for me – take a nap, read a magazine, write in my journal, chat on the phone with a friend – whatever I felt like doing. It was my ‘mental health’ time! In the evenings after the children were in bed, I loved having knitting or needlepoint projects to work on.”

The 40’s: Get Girlfriends For Life: “By the time you reach 40, women we chose to hang around with in our twenties and even thirties have often fallen by the wayside through different life paths and/or outgrowing each other. The great news is that at age 40 you really know what you want in a female friend and what you don’t. During my 40’s, it was an ideal time to form these strong and lasting friendships. By then my children were older, the demands on my time were relaxing somewhat, and I had the time and the freedom to pursue my own friendships. Often, too, my husband and I would get together with other couples and their families and go off on weekends or vacations together. Whether you’re wrapped up in a career, or still raising a family, when you’re in your 40’s you realize and appreciate the value of girlfriends who will be with you for the rest of your life (and probably will outlive your mate too!). Do everything you can to enhance those bonds during this decade.”

The 50’s: Find and Own Your Voice. “I chose this life-lesson for the Fifties because it was the decade that I finally stopped doing for everyone else and listened to what I needed and then acted upon that. When I reached my 50’s, the children were grown and my husband and I had moved from the east coast out to California. I had always known that eventually I wanted to have a career doing something that would be exciting, challenging and fulfilling in a beautiful place where I would meet lots of interesting people. By looking back over my life and reflecting on what I had been attracted to and enjoyed, I had a good idea in general of what that might be. I started working at the famed Pebble Beach Resort in Carmel, California in the Golf Shop and I slowly but diligently worked my way up to be their Director of Public Relations!”

THE 60’s: Create A New Look: Going Grey Doesn’t Mean Acting Grey!!
“Let’s face it, the look you had going in your forties may have been stretched through your fifties but once you are sixty, you do really need a senior makeover for yourself-or you may come off looking like one of those women who just try too hard and can’t pull it off. Forever 21 may be a store but it’s not a prescription for looking your best! For years, I had had blonde streaks put in my light brown hair, but by the age of 60, the highlights didn’t last and this new silvery color started taking over. I decided to go with it, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The transition was quite easy, and now, funny as it seems, my hair has become a signature for me. People stop me all the time to comment on it – something that never happened when I was spending all that time and money to color it! I love the ease and convenience- not having to rely on a colorist to keep me looking well. The key to letting your hair go gray is good conditioning and styling so that your silver hair is always shiny and healthy looking. And to having the confidence to love yourself – silver hair and all.”

The 70’s: Expect the Best of What’s Next “On my 70th birthday I woke up not with a feeling of dread, but with one of tremendous excitement. I just knew that 70 wasn’t the end – that it was merely the start of a whole, quite fabulous new decade and that there were lots of unimagined adventures still lying ahead. Even when I suddenly became terribly ill and was knocked out of commission for about two months, that didn’t deter me or my enthusiasm for the coming decade at all. I am fully recovered now and thrilled by the path that lies ahead. A few months after I turned 70, my booker at Silver Models called to find out if by any chance I was in New York at the time, but unfortunately I wasn’t. I was still at home recovering from being ill for so long. Time Magazine had requested me for a cover shot and wanted to meet me the next day and shoot it the day after that! To say I hated to miss that opportunity is the understatement of all time.”

For more information on Valerie Ramsey, go to valerieramsey.com

Giveaway has ended, but enjoy the author interview! Are you happy, girlfriend? Why the heck not? Are you letting the little things get in the way? According to a new book, women tend to let their momentary mistakes overshadow  their episodes of excellence, until self-doubt shakes the foundation of even the happiest life. Unfortunately, this is the way many women think about everything—their love lives, their friendships, their bank accounts, their family life, their career, and their body image.

Lucy Danziger, editor in chief of Self, and Catherine Birndorf, a psychiatrist and expert on women’s mental health issues, teamed up to write The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Loving Yourself, Finding Your Purpose, and Getting Over Life’s Little Imperfections. (Voice; March 2, 2010; $24.99). In it, they use the simple metaphor of a house to illustrate the central problem: when women should be grateful for what they have in their lives in the room at hand, they are either seeing the room’s imperfections or, worse, worrying about another room.  The book takes women through different parts of their lives (homes), helps them understand their patterns, and gives them new ways of thinking to solve their own problems. You can find out much more about the book, the authors, and the nine rooms at www.ninerooms.com

And guess what? One whole room (chapter) is devoted to women’s friendships! So, of course, we had to find out more, because who doesn’t want to be happier? Here’s our exclusive Q&A with the authors. Scroll to the end to find out how you can win a FREE copy of the book.
Q. Let’s talk about friendship. Why is friendship The Living Room? How is it connected to the other emotional rooms?

A. The living room is where all your socializing takes place. It’s where you interact with your neighbors, your friends, where you entertain and throw parties, and where you end up comparing yourself to other women, for better or worse.

How you behave in the living room is not exactly how you behave in other emotional areas of your life…you’re typically on “good” behavior, trying to look and act your best and put forward your social self…but this doesn’t always equate with how you feel on the inside. Many women feel insecure in this social arena, and it can come from feeling like a nerd as a high-schooler (these memories are stored in the basement) or being more concerned about how you look in your jeans instead of who you are talking to (body image belongs in the bathroom).

Q. Why is female friendship so important?

A. We know from extensive research that strong social ties can make you healthier and happier. The more connected you are to your community, and the happier you are, the healthier you are. The two are connected. So keep those friendships intact, for their sake and yours!

Q. What are some of the most common problems or issues women have with friendship?

A. From the women we spoke to for our book, and we interviewed hundreds, we found that saying “no” was a major struggle. Women seem hard-wired to help, to give and to do it at their own expense. This is where our key process:  too much of a good thing is a bad thing… So the takeaway message here, or “pearl” is: you have to know your limits.

Having limits and sticking to them is essential. Women can feel selfish when they say “No, sorry, can’t help out today,” or I have to cancel because I am totally worn out, but in fact, we tell women in the book that this isn’t selfish, it’s self preservation. You simply have to take care of yourself…because only then can you be healthy and happy and giving to those around you, including being a good friend. BTW, this is why we sometimes call the living room, the “giving room”.

Q. How can we be happier in regard to friendship?

A. Many women believe that a happy friendship is one without conflict. We hear lots of women say they don’t like to disagree with their friends. They believe that really close friendships should always run smoothly. But this may be because you are smoothing over differences or issues that actually need to be discussed. If you don’t figure out how to disagree or tolerate a difference of opinion, you can end up with lots issues getting swept under the rug. And then the rug or the atmosphere in the living room becomes problematic, bumpy,  or messy, since always avoiding conflict leads to a whole new problem!

One of our favorite key processes in the book is: “It’s not Either/or, .. instead think Both/and”… which means that you can be both best friends and disagree on something. In other words, conflict is okay. (We love our siblings and often disagree with them… sometimes our gal pals become surrogate sisters, but the fights are uncomfortable because unlike the family room, where everyone has to love each other no matter what, girlfriends can choose to break up or move apart, and that often happens because there’s a breakdown in communication. You have to tell each other when you’re upset. (For friends who are different and disagree, but love each other through thick and thin, think of the great movie and TV rolls where the conflict is played out in dialogue, like in Sex and the City or Friends!) But you may have to learn to live with a little discomfort in the name of a healthier and ultimately happier friendship!

Q. What is your favorite thing to do with girlfriends?

CB: Almost anything that involves talking…especially sharing a cup of tea or taking a long walk.

LD: I talk with my best friends too, but usually it’s either while we exercise or while we eat! I do different things with different people, so it’s often their call.

Lucy Danziger has been editor-in-chief of Self magazine for over eight years. Catherine Birndorf, M.D., is a psychiatrist and the founding director of the Payne Whitney Women’s Program at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center. Both women live in New York City.

And now for the giveaway

You have TWO chances to win a free copy of The Nine Rooms of Happiness, courtesy of Hyperion Voice.

1. Simply leave a comment on this post, telling why you are interested in the book.

2. Click on over to the wonderful Friendship Blog and read Irene Levine’s review of the book. Then, you can enter her contest as well.

EXTRA ENTRIES: Tweet the following:

“I’ve entered to win a copy of #NineRooms of Happiness, courtesy of @irenelevine, @girlfriendceleb and @hyperionvoice! http://bit.ly/9QDMV8″

You may tweet one extra entry each day.

Winners will be selected at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Tuesday, March 23, 2010. U.S. shipping addresses only, please. Good luck, girlfriends!

Do you have a circle of girlfriends, or just wish you did? For many women, having a “circle of friends” is still a dream. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, explores the “circle” concept and offers her expert advice on how to grow your girlfriend circle. We’re honored to have her guest post, written just for GirlfriendCelebrations. Find out how to win a copy of Irene’s book below!

By Irene S. Levine, PhD (aka The Friendship Doctor)

The idea of a “circle of friends” isn’t new. Beginning in the late 1800s, Amish women formed quilting circles to share expertise and companionship. After they had finished individual patches for a quilt, they would come together (sometimes travelling over relatively long distances) during the spring and summer to lend a hand to one another in piecing them together. The quilters socialized as they sewed, catching up on gossip and developing long-lasting bonds that became part of the fabric of the Amish culture.

The desire to have an embracing circle of female friends hasn’t diminished but still remains elusive for many women. When I interviewed Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship, which chronicles the story of an exceptional friendship among 11 women that has extended over four decades, he told me two types of readers had written him: those who have a circle of friends similar to the “Girls” and those who wish they did! It’s easy to understand why many women without a tight-knit circle of friends would covet one for companionship, support and comfort they offer.

But as women graduate, marry, mother, divorce, move, or change work, often not even in any particular order, their lives often diverge and they find it difficult to maintain old friendships, let alone friendship circles. The girlfriends someone made in elementary and high school may live in other states or other nations. (One study of college students, found that the average student moved more than six times over the course of 19 years, and that the average distance between friends was 895 miles).  Your co-workers are more likely to hop from job to job than ever before, or decide to change their career paths entirely.

Don’t get me wrong. Not every woman wants or needs a circle. In my survey of more than 1500 women for my new book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, I found that certain personality factors may predispose some women to gravitate towards circles as opposed to one-on-one relationships. For example, compared to introverts, extroverts often enjoy having a larger number of friendships and may be more likely to relish the dynamics of a group. Or they may so thrive on being with people, that they like being part of circles as well as being part of twosomes.

If you are a person who feels even a tinge of circle envy, and there are many reasons why you would, there are still opportunities to forge a sisterhood later in life. One of the keys to creating a circle is creating or finding some natural affinity group that has the potential for longevity and creating rituals to bind the ties of friendship.

The Friendship Doctor’s Prescription for Circle Envy

• Join a knitting group, sewing circle, book club or cooking club;
• Organize a regular canasta, bridge, Bunco, Scrabble or mah-jongg game;
• Volunteer as part of a smaller group attached to a larger religious or civic organization;
• Volunteer at a museum or hospital;
• Become part of a church or faith-based community;
• Adopt a cause, such as conservation or animal welfare, or a political action group
• Join a support group of women who share a common problem
• [Editor's Note: One more suggestion: Look into Girlfriend Circles, a service that introduces you to potential friends in your area.]

With any luck, you will form natural ties within the group, Then, you can figure out ways to strengthen them at GirlfriendCelebrations!

Irene S. Levine, PhD is an award-winning freelance journalist and author who is trained as a psychologist. She blogs about female friendships on The Huffington Post and on The Friendship Blog. Her book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, was just published by Overlook Press. She is also a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine.

Now For the Giveaway!

When we first heard that Irene Levine was writing Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, we were a little dismayed. After all, friendship breakups are no fun. But now that Irene’s book has hit bookstores and we’ve read our copy cover to cover, we can truly say: This book should be on the bookshelf of every woman who cares about female friendship. Not only is it filled with the kind of smart advice Irene dispenses regularly on The Friendship Blog, it is warm, comforting and takes the shame out of losing a friendship. This book can help you come to terms with the friendships you have lost (and we’ve ALL lost girlfriends and wondered why) and give you hope for new friendships to come. It’s easy to read, and contains loads of scannable advice for us short-attention-span gals. Just read it! We’re giving away TWO COPIES of this fabulous book, courtesy of Irene Levine! To enter, simply:

1. Leave a comment on this post stating why you want the book, AND/OR

2. Re-tweet this contest using the hashtag #GirlfriendCelebrations and this link: http://bit.ly/32ugH4

Two winners will be chosen at random from all entries received by 11:59 PM on Thursday, September 24, 2009. Winner must have a U.S. shipping address. Good luck!

Big life events call for big celebrations, and who better to celebrate with than our girlfriends? Women are well-versed at celebrating milestones. Most of us can throw a baby shower or plan a wedding shower with our eyes closed. But when life throws you a curve, you need a new twist on the traditional girlfriend celebrations. For example: The Stepmom Shower! Izzy Rose, author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom shares how to throw one in this post, written especially for GirlfriendCelebrations. Izzy’s not a wicked stepmother, but she does have a wicked sense of humor, so enjoy, girlfriends!

by Izzy Rose

Single gals—have you noticed that the dating pool has changed recently? There’s a new ripple in it: Many of the eligible bachelors out there are hardly single. They come with small versions of themselves and an ex-wife! If you have a girlfriend who has recently taken the marital plunge and surfaced with a man plus kids, celebrate this life transition by throwing her a Stepmom Shower: an afternoon of girlfriend adoration and indulgence! Unlike the traditional baby shower where mama-to-be receives gifts for the survival of the newborn, the stepmom shower honors the grown woman, similarly thrust into an unknown world, just as naïve and in need of care. Because our girlfriends know best how to comfort us in times of uncertainty and stress, the Stepmom Shower celebrates female friendship, good humor and applauds the bravery required to plug into a family that existed long before you came along.

The setting

The “celebrated” shows up to the location of her choosing (shooting range, ice arena, wine bar, poolside cabana) in her wedding dress. (I don’t know about you, but I’ve just been waiting for an excuse to put on my Cinderella gown on again.) All attending ladies are asked to wear a retired bridesmaid dress.

Food and drink

What your girlfriend needs is some good, old-fashioned nurturing … not a low calorie meal! I suggest you ditch the healthy crudités, bust out the butter cookies and turn on the martini fountain.

The gifts

Give her something she will really appreciate, and use. A single gal turned insta-mom to half-grown kids has no need for bum powder and babydoll socks. If your girlfriend is going to survive stepmotherhood, she must remember to take care of herself. Here are a few of my favorite stepmom shower gifts:

A case (or box) of wine

1 pound of French cheese (crackers included)

90-minute massage

Xanax sampler pack

New lipsticks

Games

It wouldn’t be a shower without a competitive game, now would it? Since all of you will be in wedding attire that screams to be shown off, create a makeshift runway in the house (long hallways are perfect), turn on Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive,” and take turns walking the runway of America’s Next Top Mama.

The guest of honor will judge all participants and choose one winner based on the following criteria:
Attitude (Turn up the sass!)

Design (Ruffles, bows and lace! Who combines them all?)

Color (Go bold! Turquoise and electric pink are guaranteed crowd-pleasers.)

For a prize, consider a copy of my book, The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom.

Izzy Rose is the author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom, and is the founder of www.stepmothersmilk.com, a humorous blog and resource site for the modern-day stepmom. She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and his two sons.

You know how we love to get our chores done while having fun with our girlfriends. Well, our girlfriend Felicia from the Well-Heeled Society has come up with a way to combine two girls night party ideas in one: The book club/pedicure party. Now that’s a smart idea for busy girlfriends: Get your toes done, have fun, and discuss literature, all at the same time! Felicia created this party plan to celebrate the release of her book How To Stylishly Fall From Grace: Revelations From My Perfectly-Flawed Life.

Felicia has included suggestions of delicious spa products to use, as well as shoe-themed cocktails. Check out all her suggestions right here. And be sure to let us know what you think!

Swimsuit season not going the way you planned? Enlist the partnership of a girlfriend to help you eat right and get to the size you want! Kami Gray, author of The Denim Diet: Sixteen Simple Habits to Get You into Your Dream Pair of Jeans, wrote this post just for Girlfriend Celebrations, revealing the healthy eating secrets she shares with her best friend. As we know, everything’s better with a girlfriend, and eating right is no exception. Enjoy!

By Kami Gray

Changing to a healthier lifestyle doesn’t have to be a drag or a lone endeavor. Enlist your best girlfriend and the two of you can embark on a successful weight loss journey together. The buddy system is nothing new, but it works! My BFF and I help each other in so many ways. We talk about everything and that includes food! We eat out together, we share recipes, we host dinner parties together, and we help one another stay on track. We know each other’s weaknesses and inspire and support one another to avoid temptation. Sometimes that means tough love, but that only strengthens our bond and our resolve.  Here are five ways that you and your BFF can help each other find lasting diet success!

1. Dine out together with a plan

My BFF and I eat a lot of restaurant meals together. One of the biggest reasons it’s hard to be successful when you’re trying to lose weight or even just maintain weight is not knowing how to eat out at restaurants without overeating. She and I have become experts at avoiding this diet pitfall. The trick to doing this successfully is what I call FPV, which stands for Food Planning and Visualization. You plan in advance what you are going to eat and you visualize yourself doing just that. Successful people visualize their success before it happens, whether it’s perfecting a golf swing, delivering a great presentation, or not succumbing to food temptation. Now that so many restaurants have their menus online (check out menupages.com), FPV has become even easier. My BFF and I email each other with a link to the restaurant’s website and select exactly what we are going to order when we get there. We usually find an entrée and a salad that we can split, not only cutting the calories in half, but we’re more likely to stick to our plan because we decided on our meal together. The second part of FPV is seeing yourself eating that healthy entrée and salad, enjoying it, and not going home feeling overly-stuffed and needing to lie down on the couch wondering, “Why did I do that?” Make a plan and you are far more likely to execute that plan perfectly. As a health bonus, she and I often choose restaurants that we can walk to so we get a little calorie burning in and feel like we can splurge on a glass (or two!) of red wine at dinner.

2. Move Beyond Dieting Failures With Help From Your Girlfriends

Every woman I know who has tried to lose weight has been unsuccessful at one time or another in her attempt, whether it was a daily setback, or less frequent eating mishaps. Sometimes, we dieters get the idea in our pretty heads that when we’ve blown it, (for instance, we eat a 200 calorie chocolate chip cookie) we then figure, oh well, I’ve gone and ruined my diet for today! I may as well really blow it and eat a few more cookies or down half a pint of ice cream! My BFF does this sometimes. I recently asked her what would happen to the shape of her financial health if she had that same attitude when she and I are out shopping for clothes? What if she splurges on a pair of $200 jeans and then figures she’s blown her budget?  Does that mean that she might as well then buy a $200 pair of shoes and a $400 handbag?? No, of course not. Common sense kicks in.  She cuts her losses, vows to stick to the budget next time, maybe puts in a few more hours at the office and gets back on track. Same goes with our diet. So you ate a cookie, forgive yourself, let it go, vow to be better the rest of the day, and move on (to take a long walk).  Successful weight loss is all about the baby steps…a lot of little baby steps in the right direction adds up to steady and permanent weight loss. But the opposite is also true—one baby misstep, a cookie, and you fall off your diet…well, hey, Girlfriends, falling off your diet doesn’t mean you’re a failure! So don’t beat yourself up over one cookie – that only makes matters worse…just get back on track.

3. Focus on Friends and Farm Fresh Food

My BFF and I love to walk to the farmers’ market. We have several in our home town of Portland, Oregon. Go to eatwellguide.org to locate farmers’ markets, food co-ops, restaurants, and bakeries that provide local, sustainable, and organic food in your zip code. I say put your money where your mouth is.  Organic food costs more and you’re worth it.  A study through The Organic Center recently proved that organic food is, on average, 25 percent more nutritious, so you’re definitely getting more for your money and any good chef will tell you it also tastes better. Organic food also takes a lot of the guesswork out of reading labels. The USDA does not allow nasty, fat-making ingredients like high fructose corn syrup and partionally-hydrogenated oils (aka, trans fats) in certified organic food. Instead of being a member of the Clean Your Plate Club, drop your membership effective immediately and join the Clean Eaters Club where eating local and seasonal food that has been minimally processed is all the rage and for good reason.

4) Eat Well With Others

I know your BFFs would never try and undermine your efforts to be a healthier and slimmer you, but it’s important to understand where other friends, family, and favorite food enablers may be coming from. You may even get hassled a bit or questioned by those around you. Prepare yourself for comments and concerns from “well-meaning” food enablers who want to tell you how “you’re missing out” and “limiting yourself”. Some may try to guilt you into eating something that you shouldn’t by saying it’s your favorite and they made it (or bought it) especially for you.  Be gracious, and politely but firmly decline.  Your best defense is not to be defensive – you’ll get hassled more!  Be indifferent.  Indifference is a powerful tool.  Do what dogs do – quietly tilt your head in a semi-puzzled, but trusting look and go back to what you were doing!

5) Be A Master of Your Denim: Jeans vs. Junk Food

One of my all-time favorite activities is going shopping for a new pair of jeans. My BFF and I usually make a day out of it which includes a nice long walk to our favorite boutiques, a light lunch with a glass of something bubbly and refreshing, and we end our day with a relaxing pedicure. Denim shopping and finding the perfect pair of jeans is hard work! That’s why it’s important to have your best and most trusted girlfriend with you! The two of us are brutally honest with one another about what looks good and accentuates our assets and what so obviously doesn’t! Here’s a piece of advice to ensure that most of your denim pics look great on you. Every time you want to eat junk food, Ask yourself…What is more important, the momentary pleasure of eating this, or fitting into that dream pair of jeans? I say, Behind every successful dieter is a supportive pair of jeans—and a true-blue girlfriend who tells you how you really look in denim! For me, jeans have always an excellent motivator to make good eating decisions, it’s worked for me for over two decades. REMEMBER THIS: If you’re home and you’ve been summoned into the kitchen by a bag of potato chips, go try on your new pair of jeans! Or call your BFF on “the diet crisis line”! That’ll stop you dead in your tracks!

Kami Gray is a TV wardrobe stylist who says a dream pair of jeans can be a great motivator for losing weight and keeping it off. The Denim Diet is a no-nonsense blueprint for reaching and maintaining a healthy body weight in 16 easy-to-remember habits to make and habits to break. Kami takes the best of all the diets you’ve tried and turns them into a simple, yes-or-no approach you can actually follow. For more information, visit www.thedenimdiet.com

In Part 1, Christine Arylo helped us define the kinds of friends we would like to have. In part two, she takes it a step further by identifying four friendship rings and the expectations we should have for each. 

By Christine Arylo

Not all girlfriends are the same – we have different friends for different reasons. Some are closer than others… some you connect with because of work or shared interests, or because you’ve known each other for years. When you understand the different levels of friendships, a.k.a. your Friendship Rings, you’re empowered to ask for and get what you need from every friend. Unknown, unmet and unexpressed, expectations are one of the major causes of friendships failure.

Action: Define your expectations for each Friendship Ring. On a piece of paper, draw a set of four concentric circles, one for each ring. Then list your expectations for each. Your expectations should differ depending on the type of friendship.

 Soul Sisters: Your closest circle. You share your lives.

 You may all have different mothers but these women are your heart and soul. They’re here for you in the best and worst of times. You can expect that they will pick up the phone when you call at 2 a.m. with a broken heart; that you can share all of yourself with them—the good and the ugly—and they will love you anyway; and that you can be completely honest about your feelings, even when you’re angry, and that they will listen and work with you to create an even deeper friendship.

Good Time Gals. You have fun with these girls. You share a good time.

You chat. You laugh. You never go too deep. You can expect that they will invite you to do things with you and accept the invitations you give; that they follow through on what they say they are going to do; and that when you’re together you can share what’s going on in your life and get some good advice, but nothing too deep.

Affectionate Aficionados. You work at the same company, belong to the same club, or run in the same social circles, but that’s as far as it goes. You share common interests.

You can expect that you will have a good time when you are together; that you will share your enthusiasm for your common interest but maybe not much more; and that they add good energy to your life, not suck it away or create drama. You can also expect that when that common interests shifts, you may no longer stay friends.

The Original Class. You’ve been friends a long time. But even if you’re not really close anymore, there is still a connection. You share a common history.

You may only talk once a year, if even that, or maybe more, but it’s not the quantity of time that matters, it’s that you can always pick up the phone or email and you will get a response and still feel connected. You can expect that they will be happy to hear from you; that you will keep each other updated on your lives but probably not share the torid details; and that when you hang up the phone they will say nice things about you and not turn your conversation into the gossip of the week.

So now what? Recognize that not all friendships are created equal, and when we try to apply the same rules to all friendships, we usually end up unhappy. The key to any great friendship is expectations and each type of friendship should have different expectations. By understanding your various friendship rings, you can get clear on what your expectations are for each kind of friendship. This will allow you to discern whether your current friendships are giving you what you need and expect, communicate your expectations to your friends, ensure that you don’t have unrealistic expectations, and adjust expectations in cases where you want to keep the friendship but maybe not have it be such a close one.

Every relationship you have in your life is a direct reflection of the honesty, awareness, love, trust and respect you have for yourself. So if it’s fabulous friendships you want, start with creating a great relationship with yourself… it’s the surest way to attract and keep fabulous women into your life.

What do you think, girlfriends? Drop your questions, thoughts, and tips in the comments. We’d love to hear what’s on your mind!

Self-love expert Christine Arylo is an inspirational catalyst who takes a fresh approach to redefining self-love for today’s woman as hip, hot and hers. As an author, speaker, and coach, Arylo is an expert at helping women to get the success and happiness they want by living and loving their most real and wise selves first. She is the author of Choosing ME Before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love (www.mebeforewe.com), the creator of the 20-day program, Create Fabulous Friendships, and the founder of the international Madly in Love with ME™ movement (www.madlyinlovewithme.com). She has appeared on national television and syndicated radio shows across the country, and her opinions have been featured in places like the San Francisco Chronicle, Glam.com and Daily Om.

Hey, girlfriends! We’re so excited to bring you this guest post from the dynamic Christine Arylo, self-love expert and developer of the Create Fabulous Friendships program. Christine wrote this article,  just for Girlfriend Celebrations readers. In it, she guides you through three questions to help you get clear on who you really want to call “girlfriend.” Look for part two on Monday!

by Christine Arylo

If you were asked, “What’s the biggest challenge you face to create the friendships you really want,” what would you say?

I’m going to let you in on a secret. Your biggest challenge is not time or the inability to meet new people. Your biggest challenge is you. You determine both the quantity and quality of your friendships based on who you are and how well you know who you want as a girlfriend, regardless of who’s in your circle today. Think about it. You wouldn’t consider dating or getting married without giving thought to who your mate is. Yet, even though we have close, intimate relationships with our girlfriends, we rarely give conscious thought to the kind of women they are. Instead, we choose friends by chance or duty, and with the busy lives we lead, you can’t afford to waste your friendtime on friendships based on obligation or on friendships that take more than they give.

If you’ve never stopped to ask yourself questions like, “What kind of women do I want in my life? Does my current circle of friends reflect the kind of energy I want to surround myself with?” chances are you are missing out on some great friendship opportunities, and spending too much energy on ones that don’t give you what you really want.

If you know who you want as a friend, you’re much more likely to attract that kind of person into your life. And she is much more likely to fit the life you are creating for yourself. So do yourself a favor, and take the time to get clear on who you really want to call girlfriend and why. Ask yourself the following questions using the action activities to get you crystal clear on your answers.

Questions For Creating Fabulous Friendships

QUESTION 1:  Why do I want friends?

It seems like a no-brainer question. Who doesn’t want friends, right? True, but this is a question worth answering because your response will tell you a lot about what you expect friendships to do for you. We all have different motivations, most of us just don’t know what they are.

Action: Play the Why Game. The game is simple. Keep asking yourself “Why” over and over again until you get to core of your motivation. Here’s how it works: Start by asking, “Why do I want friends?” Say you respond with, “To have people to hang out with.” Then ask, “Why do I… want people to hang out with?” Answer. Then again, ask “Why…” to the answer to that question. Repeat at least four times. And when you get your final answer, ask “Why is this important to me?”

QUESTION 2: Who are the women I want as friends (regardless of who I am friends with now?)

Paint a picture in your heart of the women you want as friends, as if you were Picasso. Don’t think about the women in your life today. Imagine the kind of women you want to make your life even better.

Action: Do a Friendship Visualization. Close your eyes and imagine yourself connected to the energy of this fantastic group of women you want to surround yourself with. Look closely into their eyes and paint a picture in your mind of who they are. Let yourself see them. Are these women self-empowered? Compassionate? Living their dreams? Or are they friends that revel in drama? Play small? Or take more than they give? Feeling into them, see them for who they truly are:

• What is important to them?
• What are their gifts?
• How do they live?
• Why is friendship important to them?

Action: Create Your Friendship Story. After you’ve visualized these women, write a full, juicy paragraph or two describing them… a story that when you read it back to yourself, connects deeply to your heart and soul. Don’t just blurt an answer out off the cuff, or create a long list of attributes. Go beyond the surface and into the essence of who these women are. Tell their story. It’s the difference between painting a Picasso and drafting a PowerPoint presentation. After you write it out, read it out loud and commit to drawing these women into your life.

Coming MONDAY: Part Two: The Four Friendship Rings  

Self-love expert Christine Arylo is an inspirational catalyst who takes a fresh approach to redefining self-love for today’s woman as hip, hot and hers. As an author, speaker, and coach, Arylo is an expert at helping women to get the success and happiness they want by living and loving their most real and wise selves first. She is the author of Choosing ME Before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love  (www.mebeforewe.com), the creator of the 20-day program, Create Fabulous Friendships, and the founder of the international Madly in Love with ME™ movement (www.madlyinlovewithme.com). She has appeared on national television and syndicated radio shows across the country, and her opinions have been featured in places like the San Francisco Chronicle, Glam.com and Daily Om.

Feedback, girlfriends? Leave it in the comments. We’d love to hear what’s on your mind!

April is Alcohol Awareness Month, and that got us to thinking about “mocktails.”

Sparkling Citrus from Preggatinis™. Recipe below!

As you can see from the beautiful photo, mocktails are getting ever more sophisticated. They can be brimming with nutritious vitamins, making them a great pick-me- up at the end of a long workday. Plus, it’s OK to drink mocktails and drive. You won’t have to rely on a designated driver and you won’t have to worry about praying to the porcelain goddess the entire next day. 

We find girlfriends appreciate alcohol-free options anytime, but certain occasions are perfect for serving mocktails:

• Brunch
• Baby showers
• Breast cancer support parties
• Pre or post-workout gatherings
• Gatherings in support of recovering girlfriends
• Mixed-age or underage gatherings
• Church-based gatherings
• Others? Let us know below!

Delicious recipes

Lifestyle writer and mixologist Natalie Bovis-Nelsen keeps an eye on drink trends around the world, and she designs signature cocktails for celebrity-studded events. We are thrilled that she shared a recipe from her highly acclaimed book Preggatinis: Mixology for the Mom-to-be. The book features more than 75 of her original recipes designed with the fun-loving preggie party girl in mind, and was named one of the top ten cocktail books of 2008.

(c) 2008 Natalie Bovis-Nelsen. Recipe excerpted from the book “Preggatinis™: Mixology for the Mom-To-Be.”  Reprinted with permission. 

Here are a few other alcohol-free beverage recipes to get you started exploring the wonderful world of mocktails:  

Mock-hito and The Virgin Mary 

Mock-Champagne, 

Virgin Pina Colada. 

Apple Pilar: Muddle sprig of mint, add spoon of sugar, 4/10 apple juice, fill with ginger ale; contributed by our girlfriend Jen at SecondCitySoiree.

Serving tips

While alcohol has its place (for those of us old enough to legally drink it), consider whipping up some mocktails for your next girl’s night in!  We want to hear your favorite alcohol-free drink ideas. Please use the comment form below to share your delicious drink recipes and give other girlfriends ideas for their next gathering.